In the last 24 hours I have contemplated suicide in at least 100 different ways, yet here I am. Usually I can fight/ignore any suicidal urges, well mostly, but today was different. I sat beneath an electric pylon imagining how much pain it could really cause me, I then walked on a busy highway. Then my dad rang me and I just felt so numb. I'm not sure how to stop this or how to even get better. Nothing makes me happy and I'm not sure anything ever will because I don't want to be here.