Its hard, really hard sometimes to keep going. i just cant stand it sometimes. i want to just drive me car into a wall or just find a really tall building and jump off. the only thing i can do is just keep turning up the volume to drown out those thoughts. there is nothing in my future that can keep me going. i only have my friends but even i know that as time goes on you grow apart. people find new people and you just drift apart. i am going to be alone my whole life because i am too afraid to go out there and meet someone. all i know is how to be alone. i dont know what else to really say. i am going to end it soon because there is no point anymore. i wasnt even supposed to be alive at this age i was going to kill myself last year but it didnt work out. i just couldnt do it. i thought that something would happen and things would change but they didnt. things are still the same, and now i know there really isnt much of a point in living. i am afraid of the future i dont like change. why cant i just live a life where i didnt have to worry about people leaving. i cant keep this going much longer.