26 year old virgin

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by TangerineDream, Jan 4, 2011.

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  1. No girlfriend, I've never felt the warm touch of a girls embrace. I have no job, Women say I an super hot, but issues as a child kept me away from them as fear of rejection. If a girl got close I would just kinda push her away. I cant read any of the signals, eye contact, none of that... I can fill out a million job recommendations and get a million rejections and one girl shooting me down will kill me for weeks.

    I just cant do it.

    Ive reached the age, 26 The time for young love is gone. What is the most painless way out. My parents say I am a failure. My dad said he can't even produced such a worthless human being.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Your father is very cruel You are still young god 26 i wish i met my guy at age 24 and we are doing great Have you thought about getting some councilling for yourself to increase your self esteem It seem your parents have knocked it down some. I hope you can because you have a life time ahead of you for connections to happen time to try to move away though from your parents and make a space of your own okay YOu will feel better out of that toxic environment hugs
  3. ~Young-Violet~

    ~Young-Violet~ Banned Member

    Hello TD,

    It doesn't seem like your parents are being very supportive right now, do you normally feel like you can confide in them at times?

    You are still so young, true love always comes. Taking chances and fear of being hurt can be awful at times but you have to remember, if you never ttake chances give things ago things may not come out as you have wished. Do you live with any siblings & parents? What happened to make you feel like this? Not every girl will hate you or hurt you. Is there a possible way to lift your self esteem and cconfident maybe join some clubs, talk to other members, find people who are interested in what you like. What do you enjoy? Any hobbies?
  4. lachrymose27

    lachrymose27 Well-Known Member

    When your parents says those things about you, I know from my own understanding, that it just amplifies the suicidal thoughts. It seems you will not get any support from your parents. Are there other relatives who are understanding? Speak to those who do.

    From your post it sounds like you wish you had a girlfriend. But with you distancing away from girls and all that, that I think should be looked into, with counseling or therapy. But your bit about "girl shooting me down will kill me for weeks."... Did you mean to be rejected by a girl? Why would that hurt you if from my understanding, that you are the one who "push her away"? You fear rejection?

    Then I think you should face rejection. Think about the girl who made an advance on you and whom you've "rejected"... how do you think she'd feel?

    There are men on this board who are going onto 30, or mid 30s who have not had a single girlfriend and are probably still a virgin. Hell, i'm 25 and I don't think I will find one even after 30. Thing is, I would be more focused on getting a job I'd want. Not saying that it takes priority over having a girlfriend, but it is priority. Thing is, most girls wouldn't want a jobless man. There are those who don't mind, but they are hard to come by. I wouldn't sit around waiting for an angel who may never pick you up. You should be focusing on getting a job and getting your life back, to possibly grow independent from your parents who don't seem to give a shit about you anyway. Or even to earn respect from your parents, if they were understanding anyway... Apply for retail jobs, they usually hire.

    Good luck

  5. peacelovingguy

    peacelovingguy Well-Known Member

    Maybe your dad just spoke out of character or was angry at something or other. I used to ponder any cruel remark but families often can say things to each other because its easier to forgive. I think its maybe not a good thing to ponder that one remark. Or, if he is putting you down historically and in the here and now, best to ignore him after you tell him that your feeling down and could do with support not put downs.

    No dad worth his salt would put you down then.

    Maybe your depression is a secret - we can hide it well but trust me the hiding is not going to leave you in a frame of mind to maybe just sit back and enjoy the beauty and grace of women. I mean, when your feeling better in yourself then you'll be able to summon up the courage to ask one out.

    Being a virgin has stigmas - but only with school-kids. Now you are an adult - forget all that nonsense men talk to each other.

    If you have been told that your super hot by women - then be thankful. I've been told I look like I fell off the ugly tree and hit every branch, and it hurt at the time. I mean it hurt falling off the ugly tree. Looks don't matter though. They do and they don't. On a superficial level they matter, but no man wants to end up with a stunning slob and no woman wants a handsome husband who is a brothel creeping liar from hell.

    26 is no age. It may not seem like it but life has barely begun for you. You are just a late developer and maybe a bit shy also.

    As for advice as to how to get a woman, I'd say maybe other areas of your life need attention first. Getting a women is a goal for most men, but there are things a man has to be before he can approach a women with romantic intentions. All you need is a bit of confidence, not sure if you are working, but maybe education or something along those lines will help.

    One last thing, maybe it would help you with your dad if you took him for a beer and shook hands on the past. Criticism from parents can stick in the mind as it were but being a parent is hard and its easy to say something out of anger. Falling out with your dad also can maybe hold you back as its another burden for you. It may be easy to let it go if (a) he is not actually a nasty man and (b) if you can forgive him.

    You do not need to drink alcohol if you do not drink it but one single malt is not going to hurt anyone.

    Who knows, maybe after two you'll feel happy enough to just hand your phone number to a woman IF there is something about her, apart from just looks. A kind hearted women so to speak.

    Hope some of this makes sense.

    And if she has an older sister, er?

    Maybe its a bit too forward.

    Try to chill out a little around women - this means chilling out about yourself. Don't worry about it - we'll get through this and sure enough you'll be happily married before you know it and will be glad you saved yourself the trouble of having to sleep with women just to tell your mates about it and pat your own ego on the back.

    Don't give up and try to do that thing with your dad as it might well be a good step to take and its good to get along.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 4, 2011
  6. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    yeah, it sounds like some therapy would help you.

    it's too bad that your dad is such a jerk. Getting negative messages can bring you down.

    i bet that things could get a lot better for you.

    maybe you could focus on how great things could be if you found a way to work things out.

    imagine smoking hot girlfriend and not living with your parents
  7. Romancer

    Romancer Well-Known Member

    you're at your best age, life is just starting for you, so ignore your parents, and try to be optimistic. nothing is lost. :)
  8. Infortunatus

    Infortunatus Guest

    Sounds like your dad just spoke out of frustration, not reflecting his true feelings. If he genuinely meant what he said, he's just a jerk and you should get away from him as soon as you can. But I doubt that he truly meant it.

    You seem to be saying that your personal happiness depends on being in a relationship with a girl. I would disagree with that. Personal happiness comes from within; an inner strength derived from one's own accomplishments and value of self. It doesn't come from others, except when very young and then it must come from the parents or caretakers.

    Are you sure you even like girls? Maybe guys are more your type. Nothing wrong with that, but if that's the case no wonder you haven't found a satisfactory relationship because you're looking in the wrong places. Best to know what you really want before your beat yourself up over not having it.

    26 is young, not too late for anything. I got married at 26 (for the wrong reasons) and now I'm 52; still married to the same woman after 26 years. It's taken a lot of work to make that happen. Being single is a lot easier in many ways.

    Maybe a counselor can help you figure out what you really want and why you aren't getting there. Try to be optimistic and good luck.
  9. bigpmc

    bigpmc Member

    I was a virgin until quite late in life (21), and I can honestly tell you this. When you aren't having it, you think its the most important amazing thing in the world, but when it happens, you realise that it really isnt important at all. i could easily live without sex for the rest of my life-there are more important things. Seriously, dont worry about it-I met my girlfriend through an online dating site because I didnt feel confident enough to approach people. Atleast if you were to do that you can really get to know and like someone before you meet them, and you know they arent judging you by looks, but by the person that you are.

    As for your father, unfortunately, its common for people to project their inadequacies on others. For your father to say something like that to you, it certainly seems to me that is what he is doing. Noone has the right to say what is worthless or not, so dont listen to him.

    You WILL find love and companionship, usually when you are least expecting it, but in the meantime putting yourself out there on say a dating site couldnt hurt could it?
  10. happyville

    happyville Well-Known Member

    A lot of girls are afraid of rejection, and since you push them away, you reject every single one that tries to get a little attention from you.

    There's nothing better in life than taking chances, but I know how it feels to be terrified of that - I have an immense, powerful fear of failure, which is why I've ever tried to accomplish anything in the past. I'm so afraid of failing that I don't even try!

    Oh, and: I'm 19 and still a virgin, but I chose for it to be that way. I've only had one chance to have sex so far, but I'm personally waiting until I'm married to have sex. If I don't hold out until marriage, it will only be because I truly love the person I'm with. :) There is no shame in being a virgin - I respect people who are.
  11. Youth

    Youth Active Member

    If you know OR even think a girl finds you attractive, but your a little unsure about how to approach her be with her (like walk her to work or something), and while you're with her, find yourself a good time when you can catch her mid-breath with a really good kiss. If she pulls back, chances are that she will not be mad at you, but she'll be more open for conversation with her on a different kind of level - this takes away some of the anxiety and unsureness you may with each other. I'm not good at small talk and prefer to talk about interests and tell jokes, so usually this is how I go about letting a female know that I'm interested in her. Usually, it works. Sometimes, I won't even know the girl and she'll be like, "Whoa! Let's take this a little slower." And I'll agree with her to do so.
    Trust me, I am very shy and often I look really depressed, but this works for me. And I know it's not sex, but you have to start making out with someone before you can have sex! And if you "take her breath away" she'll want that breath back. How's she going to get it? Only you can answer that question...
  12. kapu

    kapu Member

    Perhaps if you focus less on the sexual aspect of it things will be better. It is best to be dependable and reliable to a woman than it is to try to seem romantic or try to 'woo her' so to speak. If the time you guys spend together is enjoyable and there is chemistry between you, it will inevitably progress towards intimacy. I understand that this is an extremely hard thing to do when fears and insecurities are consuming you, but do your best to relax and allow everything to come naturally. Be yourself, be dependable, be authentic. It goes a hell of a long way. Even if you cannot find something in common to discuss, you can always show interest in the things she does. Either way in the end, if it doesn't become intimate, you're still left with a friend because you haven't been overtly pursuing the relationship side of things. It provides you a means of avoiding rejection if it should come to that point.

    It's funny, I've had my time of being promiscuous and I paid for it with herpes. I would trade all of those times to be a virgin again right now.
  13. AngelsEcho

    AngelsEcho New Member

    26 year old virgin is nothing to be ashamed of, my partner was a 28 year old virgin when we met and we had 11 wonderful years together. As for having trouble talking to women, talk to us like you would any friend we don't bite! and women are just as scared of men!Love has a way of finding us when we are not looking for it, and i am sure your turn will come, young love isn't to do with age, it's a feeling, a state of being an emotion and you can have this happen at any age, don't despair your time will come it took me till I was 30!
    As for a job they are difficult to come by, maybe you can get into some training or attend a course. Voluntary work is also an option and many a job has come out of this.
    Finally your dads comments, I am sure if he knew just how much they hurt you he would not have said these. People often say things with no regard for anothers feelings, not realising just how cutting certain comments can be. Talk to your parents and explain just how you feel and how hurt you are. As long as you are trying you are not a failure, so keep trying your time will come.
  14. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    You sound a lot like me... With a few differences. Like you I am constantly told I am cure by females. Much like you I do not know how to read all the signs. That kind of thing takes practice. Once I feel I am ready, I will go out and practice. Very few people immediately succeed at something. There are tons of reasons why you can get rejected. There is one why you should not care. Because there are plenty of fish in the sea. If you are rejected at least you tried. Think about what you did, and try something different.

    I currently am reading books on the human mating process. No shame in getting help. I decided, that waiting for that special someone was a waste of time. I will have a beyer chance of finding someone if I go looking. Even if I do not find that someone. I can at least have since fun along the way right?
  15. Prof.Bruttenholm

    Prof.Bruttenholm Well-Known Member

    Be glad you're attractive, I am ugly as shit, being attractive makes starter a relationship much easier.

    If you're going to kill anyone, kill me, not yourself.
    I am just useless trash that'll die in my 40s anyhow.
  16. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    I'll be turning 30 soon and I'm still stranded on the Virgin Islands. It doesn't mean that life is over. It just means that when we're finally 'rescued' it will be that much more enjoyable. :hug:
  17. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    There have actually been studies conducted that prove exactly what Dave_N has said.
  18. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Thank God for that. :D
  19. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    Tangerinedream, well its no wonder you have fear issues around love.... with the messages that your own parents give to you. Judgements are not truths. I am sorry that their judgements are what you believe about yourself. But to be honest with you, I believe my mothers judgements about me. And I have not felt worthy of many relationships at all. I do not feel worthy of dating for that matter. Your state of virginity is understandable considering the judgements your parents put upon you. I bet you are a great guy. And I am so sorry you are suffering. :hugtackles:
  20. TheBLA

    TheBLA Well-Known Member

    There's a pretty damn good chance that I'll remain a virgin for life. I am simply too inferior, no good for any girl out there. They don't deserve a weirdo like myself. A part of me wants to permanently kill the desire for having a girlfriend, wife, etc. completely. Its never going to happen, so why pine for it and just become more sad than I already am?
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 8, 2011
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