I don't even know why I'm posting here. I feel like I need to but yet know it won't help. I was doing really great today. I was actually happy and it lasted for more than the usual 2 or 3 hours. I've been helping others here and playing the games in coffee house. Then BAM!! I need to be dead. The plan just jumped into me as fast as the feeling. I feel shaky, nervous and so edgy in anticipation. No long term planning or anything. It's just going to happen. I've tried reaching out but ruined it for myself by having the happy face on. Now it's too late. I have no other choices left. No one can or wants to help me. I'm too alone. And the darkness has swallowed me whole. No escape anywhere. I'm no longer in control of anything. The feelings are. Or can I be helped? I don't know if I can be, want to be or need to be. I just don't know anything anymore. Everything is racing and so out of control. I hate me and what I do to everybody. So I guess I just let things take the course they are going to and hope it ends everybodys pain including mine.
??????
- Thread starter itmahanh
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Oh f*ck people. I don't know what I want or need right now. This feeling is getting so intense. My neck feels like it is freezing and burning at the same time. It's getting hard to breath. And this aint no panic attack. The thoughts just won't shut down, not even or a second. I just NEED to do it. Never had this experience before. Have always planned. I'm scared but also so elated about what is going to happen. Help? I don't know I 'm soo out of control. Have to go back and correct every word I type. Can't even get my fingers to hit the right keys and I'm staring right at them. What is it I want right now? Help or just venting or trying to proof something to myself.? Don't think I will be able to post anything after this. The time just feels so right. WTF???
Sometimes I get into a similar mood, maybe not as extreme but.. I find satisfying bodily needs (food, water, sleep, bathroom, sex if you can) helps alleviate it, if only a little. Sleep is especially good because it helps you wait it out until it's over, if it's just a temporary thing. Maybe you should see a doctor if it persists or happens again, it could be that there's something physically wrong and you need medical attention.
Thanks wierd for the advice. Got to the daycare and back in one piece. I had no choice. Would never ever do anything that included my children. I'm crazy but not that crazy. Tried to eat, but haven't really eaten in days now so all I got was a real sore stomach. Gonna go out now. Thanks for taking the time to reply. Guess I was hoping that someone could help me out of this place. Thanks for trying and keep yourself safe.
A
sounds like a knee jerk reaction to something you feel you can't change or don't want to change.
we all have mood swings and sometimes feel we need to feel the emotional pain to feel alive, sometimes doing the normal things like eating etc can help.
it may not seem like it at times but there may be other options to explore, other ways to help you get over the low times.
we all have something we enjoyed doing so maybe its just a case of finding that again just to help getting thru the day.
its always hard to try, hard to force ourselves to do something but sometimes we need to do what we don't want to do.
andy xxx
we all have mood swings and sometimes feel we need to feel the emotional pain to feel alive, sometimes doing the normal things like eating etc can help.
it may not seem like it at times but there may be other options to explore, other ways to help you get over the low times.
we all have something we enjoyed doing so maybe its just a case of finding that again just to help getting thru the day.
its always hard to try, hard to force ourselves to do something but sometimes we need to do what we don't want to do.
andy xxx
"Tried to eat, but haven't really eaten in days now so all I got was a real sore stomach."
probably not relevant but not eating does strange things to body chemistry. And the effects can seemingly come in a rush at times. Sorry, don't know how vulnerable your emotional states are to your body chemistry but perhaps if you are having trouble eating you could get some of those liquid nutritional supplements?? The ones used by the medicos. Just to see if this makes a difference?
Don't mean to trivialise your experience, but maintaining blood sugar levels etc might help a little?
probably not relevant but not eating does strange things to body chemistry. And the effects can seemingly come in a rush at times. Sorry, don't know how vulnerable your emotional states are to your body chemistry but perhaps if you are having trouble eating you could get some of those liquid nutritional supplements?? The ones used by the medicos. Just to see if this makes a difference?
Don't mean to trivialise your experience, but maintaining blood sugar levels etc might help a little?
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