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Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by spd, Dec 5, 2007.

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  1. spd

    spd Member

    hello i turn 20 next month. i canot take this. i am disgusted with myself. i wantd to be something diferent. i live in world of shit every day. every night i lay beside imaginary girl and whisper to her, hugging and kissing the air. when i watrch tv i reach out beside me to squeeze the air wishing it wasa woman. i am very lonely. i can barely get anything done. i cannot stop fantasozing about women. unfortunately i am a useles person and i have little to offer to a woman. i have no friends so i canot get girls from a 'social network', never go out and in colege the girls talk back to me in such a "i have to be polite tot htis guy because it is common courtesy" way, totaly do not like me. i have so much fear nd anxiety in life. i managed to get a job severral months ago(my first job), but quit after a few months because of the anxiety, even though it was just a regular supermarket job. i was so incompetant too despite the simple nature of the job. now i am further away from a girl because girls like men with jobs. if i just knew that a woman would have sex with me and love me as i am that would be enough. it is crushing and heartbreaking when i overhear women talking about sex. i have never had any romantic affection from a girl before ever. they hold what i want and i cannot get it. i cant see it happening anytime soon, and i want to cut it short to avoid the pain. i was not made for this world and i dont want it any longer.
     
  2. breath

    breath Guest

    I think one of your main problems might be wanting it too much. It's human to want affection and love, and well male to want other desires, and the less we have it the more we focus on it and crave it more. Might be best to try and pull yourself back and just try and find some people you like and have common intrests with and be friends, and see if fate will lead you anywhere with that...
     
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