hello i turn 20 next month. i canot take this. i am disgusted with myself. i wantd to be something diferent. i live in world of shit every day. every night i lay beside imaginary girl and whisper to her, hugging and kissing the air. when i watrch tv i reach out beside me to squeeze the air wishing it wasa woman. i am very lonely. i can barely get anything done. i cannot stop fantasozing about women. unfortunately i am a useles person and i have little to offer to a woman. i have no friends so i canot get girls from a 'social network', never go out and in colege the girls talk back to me in such a "i have to be polite tot htis guy because it is common courtesy" way, totaly do not like me. i have so much fear nd anxiety in life. i managed to get a job severral months ago(my first job), but quit after a few months because of the anxiety, even though it was just a regular supermarket job. i was so incompetant too despite the simple nature of the job. now i am further away from a girl because girls like men with jobs. if i just knew that a woman would have sex with me and love me as i am that would be enough. it is crushing and heartbreaking when i overhear women talking about sex. i have never had any romantic affection from a girl before ever. they hold what i want and i cannot get it. i cant see it happening anytime soon, and i want to cut it short to avoid the pain. i was not made for this world and i dont want it any longer.