26yo Speaks out for the first time...please read!!

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Speaking out, Nov 13, 2007.

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  1. Speaking out

    Speaking out Member

    Dear Reader,

    i hate my life, i flirt with suicide...and mass homicide every day....but about the mass homicide thing i would never do anything like that it's just those things running around my head every day make me wanting my life to end.

    here is the strange part.. nothing "bad" has ever happend to me (not incuding friends who have taken there lives) i guess it's fair to say i am "good looking" mind you i dont know what a good looking guy looks likes but i never have any trouble when it comes to the women. i dress nice hold a good job but my mind is just crazy.

    i think i am very depressed i have read up lots on the subject i want to kill my self but dont want to hurt my family. i have had friends kill them selfs and know how it can affect a family.

    oh and about the women, well every where i go girls hit on me but i have to turn them away because i know one day they will find out i am a mental head fuck and my first g/f ripped my heart out so i never want to go though that again...

  2. andyc68

    andyc68 Guest

    hi my friend, so sorry to hear your pain.
    as you say it seems things are ok with you on the surface but i believe there are cracks beneath that you may be trying to cover up.

    you have lost friends to suicide and i am sorry to hear that, how do you feel about that and is this a factor in your own thoughts?

    have you spoken to a doctor about how you feel or a counseller maybe, this may seem scary but they are there to help and can give help that we can't.

    you will never be alone here so please use us to talk to or just vent.
    if you can explain in more detail how you feel it may make it easier for us to help, there will be no judgement made as we are all feeling the same.

    please stay safe and take care.
  3. Lestat

    Lestat Well-Known Member

    This is a strange post but i think i understand. Through most of my life (Until now) i have not had much to worry about apart from the fact my mum tried to kill herself infront of me at age 11. This i would say is the only really bad thing that ever happened to me till now.

    But before this I had always thought about suicide and even planend things but never knew why.

    I have no answers for you. I think it is the culture we live in today that causes a lot of these things.

    Please dont do anything stupid. It would be such a waste and really screw other people around you up.
  4. Mike04

    Mike04 Active Member

    Perhaps you miss your friends, and would like to be with them again. This thought can be in your subconscious mind, epically if they have had an impact on your life.
  5. saeyoon Chung

    saeyoon Chung Well-Known Member

    Very... very strange post...

    you have a good paying job and everywhere you go.. girls hit on you.. wow... you must be doing something right! I can't even ask a girl out.. count your blessings man..

    I believe.. you're only obssessed with the notion of suicide, fantasizing about it but not really wanting to do anything with it. So you're probably on the right track.

    The only problem I notice in you post is the death of your friend.
    Grief can directly affect your life, even if it was someone you didn't know
    very well.. only time can heal. We just have to wait.

    And talk to a psychotherapist about your "supposed" mental problem..
    Just talk it out and tell him whatever you think the problem is.
    It could be a small mental illness(that you cannot control) and it can be fixed with medication.
    (even schizophrenic people do perfectly fine when on medication)

    I think you're doing pretty well for yourself.. better than all of us here..

    When you get better, let us in on the secret of your dating success.. OK?
    no.. just kidding. We just hope you get better.

    Good luck~
  6. pit

    pit Well-Known Member

    Well, you're good with women. You don't have any problems in the female department. Good for you.

    The other 15% of life is showing up. Obviously, you've got that covered.

    So what's the problem, bub?
  7. Perishable

    Perishable Well-Known Member

    Perhaps its the world and just the way it is. Maybe, personally, and in depth you are okay. (Friends,family,yourself...nothing wrong there) But, the over view of earth and people...The Generalization of the population...The Society's expectations and behavior. Possible this could be bothering you.
    Correct me if im wrong.
  8. Speaking out

    Speaking out Member

    G, i didnt think anyone would read my post thank you very much it makes me feel good knowing someone is there. i think some of you guys would make a good "psychotherapist" really.....

    i guess it was a strange post...here is me on the outside im all fine but on the
    inside i just dont see any point in living!!! death is not a part of my life so there is no reason for me to fear it.

    yea it's great about the girls i'm flattered i only mentioned it because i noticed there was some post on here about the subject, and i feel for those people very much because deep down i miss having someone "nice" around to share my life with. i am very "romantic" i feel this is the only safe place a guy my age can use that word. but in saying all that it is by no means the reason for my feelings....

    the last friend i lost to suicide hit me hard, i knew him around ten years and in this time he was happy as can be. i never ever saw him sad then one day he woke up and decided he didnt want to be with us anymore no note no good bye no nothing....what hurts the most is there will never be any answers....i often wonder if he had my problem because no one knows how i feel.

    maybe i am confused because i hate the world and for that i hate myself.
    i refuse to accept that 10 hail mary's will take away any of my sins and refuse to follow any gods. dont get me wrong it has it good points with out "hope" we humans are nothing. but i dont need "hope" and it is only there to cover "the fear" of death.

    In general i just think society's currupt poeple fuck people so what the fuck with my life!

    i dont know what makes other people happy

    there are only two good things in this world.

    1) getting a smile from a stranger
    2) being on a plane cos the person next to you (in most cases) will talk and smile with you

    i just dont see any point in trying and even if i do try 10 years from now when i give up i will know that i should have done it now.

    i just dont want to be here i have lost all interest in life i cannot handle having to fight off suicide every day and will not spent the rest of my life eating pills...

    thanks for reading,
    have a nice day.
  9. Ziggy

    Ziggy Antiquitie's Friend

    I could go on about the the world, my past, the things that have made me what I am, but I can't change these things. The only thing I can change is myself.

    Looking at myself the two things which have messed up my life the most are hatred and fear, and I think these things can be overcome, change has to come from within.
  10. SuicideSpork

    SuicideSpork Member

    Without a doubt. This planet is a fucking mess. You'd think with all these people and all this misery that finding a better way of life would be a priority.. but instead, all anyone seems to want to do is rack up the cash and bullshit, so they can lord it over everyone else... just as miserable as everyone else all the while. :(
  11. Feared.Desire

    Feared.Desire Well-Known Member

    I feel you. Im in the exact same situation as you.
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