27 and counting

since December of 04 I have had 27 attempts to free myself from this awful world. my 25th was probably the one that has messed me up for life or as long as I live which hopefully isnt much longer. That night I overdosed on <Mod Edit: Abacus21 - methods>. I was on Life support because I died. The doctor told my family I was going to be brain dead because I was face down for so long. but I have recovered with a little brain damage but still working on remembering things. I also aspirated that night which gave me an pneumonia I was in the hospital for 3 months and I had to pretty much learn to walk all over again. When I woke up I was restrained to the bed so I could not pull out the life support and they called my emergency contact to see if she still wanted to keep me on life suppot or not unfortunately she said yes. When I woke up I had IVS all in me and a cathetar, I wasnt scared though because I knew exactly what I did to get there but I just wish noone would of found me because I would not be on this world right now. This attempt sticks out in my head the most. my temperature was 110 and even though I had a breathing mask on my oxygen was only in the 70s it should always be in the 90s. so for days I could just lay there and sweat I couldnt even eat and if I did I threw it all up. Even the Liquid medicine they gave me I threw up. That experience really made me wish I had succeeded. I know next time though I will. You cant live forever and I dont plan on it.

 

That is an incredible amount of attempts and you are incredibly strong for having survived all of them, I am in shock and awe.

Its hard and ironic to give support to someone and tell them not to kill themselves and to keep living on and find happiness when the person telling them to do that is also feeling just like you.

But wow, that is incredible what you've gone through and survived all of that.