Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by LostINtime, Jan 6, 2008.

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  1. LostINtime

    LostINtime Guest

    I need to write this down somewhere, and anonymous was my best bet.
    I'm so lost and depressed right now. We got the phone call, "kim" saying she'd been assulted. And she was scared of him and didn't know what to do. they went to her rescue. How could a male physically abuse a woman? She had marks on your neck and arms, he'd hurt her. and when asked about it, he said "she hurt me too". Self defence, isn't trying to hurt him, it was about saving herself! fuck head. this guy deserves to die. He talked of suicide, well I hope he does, as bad as that sounds. I see him in this house, where he has been, items he has touched, things he has said to me. I remember that time we were driving, I was with them two, and he was drunk, and he something rude to me. I knew from them, something was not quite right with this bastard. No one should be rude to anyone. He couldn't handle his alcohol. He smoked also. but we can't blame alcohol. Deep down alcohol only gets rid of normal social boundaries, we do stuff we wish we could do when we are sober. So why can he blame the alcohol? It is in him. He is an abuser. I remember not too long ago, staying there, they hit eachother. One day, he was fighting with me, it was all "fun" or suppose to be, but he did hurt me, and when I wanted it to stop he didn't, it wasnt anything serious, I know but still...that thought disgusts me. I feel for Kim, and how scared she must have been. I don't want her to blame herself. I know she saw herself with him for the rest of her life, now that's gone. She cannot stand being alone. I remember from before. the worst thing she could do, is take him back because the loneliness is too much to handle. I don't ever want him to come back. He is an abuser, and they play and manipulate people. They work in smart ways and know everyone's weak point. We have to remain one step ahead of him, and be cautious not to fall into the whirl pool he'd make. They say they are sorry, they blame others, they blame other things, they blame the person they abused. They feel guilt. they don't understand why they did it. they promise never to do it again. They ALWAYS DO IT AGAIN. Forgiveness is not an option in these situations and I just hope Kim can be strong enough to resist. I can't get it out of my mind. I feel for her. I feel what she would feel. I never want a male near me. I will never look at males the same. This kinda thing doesn't happen in my family, never ever. Now it's reality but still it feels so surreal. If it happens to Kim it could happen to me or anyone. why arn't people civil? why are men animals? what's the point of abuse? The bottom line is these people are weak and think the only way to prove themselve as the opposite is to act tough. that's why females are usually different, they can talk. But it seems like a big no-no for men to. So they take it out on others? Those who abuse are the weakest cowards alive. The worst part is, my parents took him to a psych place. As if they care for him? The abuser of kim?? They told me about the system, oblivious to the fact I knew how it worked. they couldn't even take their own flesh and blood to a psych yet they take the abuser of kim??? this makes no sense. and proves the fact that I mean nothing to them. I have to love the fact that I am so selfish that I forget kim and her problem and think about myself in this situation. I've been negelcted. Everyone neglects me. Family. Even my own psychologist, neglected me and told me to go else where. Well soon enough, I will be out of their lives forever. I am just a nuisence to them and everyone. I live here, why? as in just because I have to, not because I am a part of a family or any such thing. People use me up then leave. I literally have no one. No one to turn to. This thing with Kim was big and has affected me, yet, does anyone ask if I am ok? no never. Does anyone listen to me? can i talk to anyone? no no no. Im all alone. All the attention will be on kim now and i will be expected to sympathise. But now i see i've turned into that heartless bitch again. Hating these people, I don't know why. Maybe it is my way of coping. I get angry, to try and hold it all deep inside. I regret ever being nice to him. I regret not telling him what I thought of him on the phone, he was crying, he was looking for sympathy. What a joke. If I had have been there I would have shot him in the head myself. and now I have nothing. I never want to see him again. I never want to see anyone again. I want to be alone. 'If i have to be alone, then i want to be alone!' I dont see where my life is heading nor do i want to. I can't do anything no more, and the time is coming closer for me to pack my bags and board that bus. :(
  2. I'dRather

    I'dRather Guest

    First you are right alcohol does not cause violence or abuse in any form. Abuse is a choice someone makes.

    I also understand he feelings of not wanting to be alone and thinking she would be with this man forever. I thought the same thing until a couple weeks ago when I realized I had to leave my abusive husband. And with him he saw himself as the victim and thought his abuse was no big deal or my fault. In fact everything was my fault in his eyes, even things others did. However, if it helps your friend to know this I realized since I've been away from him that I am able to be without him. It's tough but it gets easier, especially once you get away from the fear and anxiety because for me it was normal and i didn't even know it was there till it was gone. And everyone has noticed. I look happier, more relaxed. And hopefully in time this would happen with your friend as well.

    Yes abusers are very manipulative. Mine was able to turn friends and family against me leaving me with total dependence on him and an utter feeling of being alone and worthless.

    Men are not animals. Only some men, and some women also behave this way. The best thing peole like myself and your friend can do is to learn from what we went through and take our time to heal and learn to love ourselves before we even think of being with a man. Then when we feel right about it take time in getting to know someone. As much time as it takes and not forgetting the lessons we learn. I have several friends who have survived through abusive men and later found men who treat them right. It is possible.

    Now lets talk about you. First I am here to listen. I am not able to log in but I can listen here. So first let start with treating ourselves right. My abuser for years made it all about him and even my family fell for it. So you and I together can start first loving ourselves and being there for ourselves. That's number one right now. Then until the family comes the their senses, and my family has so hopefully you're will also..but until then there are people here who care. I care and I think you matter. I'm listening!! Hugs!!
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