I was feeling a little strange the whole day, as if I am not in the mood for anything and I didn't know what it was thats bothering me and finally, right now at this hour I realize that the thought of being alone is once again depressing me. The thought of how I never had a shoulder to cry on when I was drowning in sorrow and how the people by my side turned their backs on me and neglected me though I was in need of help, real badly, I was like a newborn child grasping desperately for a hand, for someone I could call my mother and no one was there. I guess at this point, no one else can help me, not even myself. For I despise life more than anything else, cause it is this so called existence of mine that brought me all these pain I never asked for. And I can only watch as the people who does care for me disappears from my life one by one and in the end, I am still alone and better off dead. This year will not be a good one for me as it has never been. I find everything thats going on in this life totally meaningless and the only way out of this is the one obvious thing that everyone can think about cause there are no happy endings or new beginnings. It will be over if its meant to be. After all, ordinary people can never comprehend me and people alike who live in the shadows of their happiness and joy. Things would have been much easier if I had a choice, the cruel stone cold fact is that, I never had choices. But now, I do have one and as I am still holding on to it, I will pass thru the motions day by day night by night and soon, nothing else will matter to me no longer.