29 and ready to go

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by sharkslayeruk, Apr 28, 2009.

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  1. sharkslayeruk

    sharkslayeruk Member

    hello i`m 29 and i wanna give up on this life.i can`t believe that i can go on much further.i have 3 kids and i dont honestly know why i planned to have kids knowing the same problems you had when you are younger never go away.
    i tried to kill myself twice when i was 16 and then again when i was 18.i was put into a mental hospital for 2 weeks and about 18 months later my daughter was born.
    i kept on being told to snap out of my depression and ever since then i have been on and off anti-depressants.i have stopped taking them at the moment because i hate the fact i need to take them.firstly they dont make your dick work so i guess its eithier or head works or your dick does.
    if i cant have sex there is really no feeling of happiness and i feel like a failure so further more leads me into this depression.
    hate life,hate myself and hate work- currently off and dont want to go back but the longer i stay off the worse it gets.no money,no job,no house - the problems just go on.
    i love my girlfriend and kids but sometimes i`m just too fucked up for this life and want a easy escape i guess.
    any comments?
  2. Remedy

    Remedy Chat & Forum Buddy

    Stay here and talk through your problems through PM and chat. Your kids and girlfriend would miss you greatly and it would cause undoable damage to their lives if you killed yourself. There are a few antidepressants, see if you can try a different one. Does your girlfriend know you feel this way? Does she support you?
  3. WildCherry

    WildCherry ADMIN

    I hope you stay and talk to us. Your kids would miss you if you were gone; it's something they would never get over.

    Maybe try some different meds? Not all of them have sexual side effects.

    Have you ever considered seeing a therapist?
  4. bleach

    bleach Well-Known Member

    How many different anti-depressants have you tried? Sounds like a change is definitely in order if you can't even have sex on your current meds. I think you should tell your doctor you are unhappy with the current medication and need to switch.
  5. seithkein

    seithkein Well-Known Member

    I used to be just like you, thinking that life was a waste of time and that life sucked. I too tried to kill myself twice. At first the meds that I was on had many side-effects like sexual side-effect. I kept trying different up until now my doc switched me to Abilify and this medecine is been helping great.
    What I'm trying to tell you is that try different meds until you find the one that work for you. And please don't kill yourself. Your kids would be devasted if you die by your own hands. Anyway I hope you stick around because this site really helps. Take care.
  6. sharkslayeruk

    sharkslayeruk Member

    Almost 2 years past and I don't think I am in any better position now than I was then. Signed off again and was put on citlopram which made me worse. Got fluxotine today so back on that. I think my work is the problem but I'm stuck there until I can find a new job. I can honestly say I am amazed that I am even allowed to walk out of my doctors after I tell them what I am thinking these days. It's no surprise what I read in the papers these days. I remember my shrink telling me I might be traumatizing myself by watching the news too much. Any1 else have this? The day I turned 13 James bulger got led away by 2 boys and killed. That's what I remember of my 13th birthday! How messed up is that! 31 and still feeling depressed after 15 years. Does it ever go away? Sorry if I'm rambling......
  7. sharkslayeruk

    sharkslayeruk Member

    Just lying in bed with my partner while the world goes by. I keep thinking about what my therapist said. I told her that I wanted to walk in front of a car and end my life and she said it was just an illusion. Kind of stuck in my mind as its an illusion that I can't seem to get rid of. Back to work tomorrow- oh the joys!
  8. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    hey sharks...sorry you had to find your way back here but I hope you get the support you need ...
    how long have you been on the new meds?
    I agree the news can be overwhelming and maybe better not to watch it if it upsets you..
    i can remember watching the funeral of Bobbie Kennedy from start to finish at about 15?? (yeah I'm that old) ..things like that leave lasting impressions..
    have you changed jobs?
  9. sharkslayeruk

    sharkslayeruk Member

    Hi, still in the same job as I don't really want to leave.
    I mostly just walk around daydreaming in my job and nobody seems to notice if I am here or not. Got my fortnightly chat this afternoon which should release my moans and groans. Counting down the hours to the weekend as I am most happy when with my family.
  10. Constantinos

    Constantinos Well-Known Member

    I am happy to hear that you have something to look forward to, hold onto this as this is very important - your family wants you and so do we.

    I have read that you're taking new medicine, i hope these new medicine help you, the medicine will help you increase your coping resources until they balance out or are more than your pain.

    Here is something that i want you to think for a couple of moments:

    Suicide is not the solution, you may think that by suiciding you will be relieved from pain, relief is a feeling and you need to be alive in order to be able to feel. You will not feel this relief once you take your life.
  11. sharkslayeruk

    sharkslayeruk Member

    Seriously thinking it's time to end this right now. I went on holiday and came back more stressed than when I went. It's my work that fucks me off the most. I'm still pissed off from what happened in Norway last week as to how can people just be left in the outside world to do shit like that. Was he under any medication or go and see a therapist? If I get so much worse I am so scared that I will end up doing something bad. I'm sure it's just my illness but why do I have these thoughts if my medication is supposed to work?
    Feeling like walking out of work this afternoon and jumping off the bridge but knowing my luck I'll survive but cripple myself in the process.
  12. sharkslayeruk

    sharkslayeruk Member

    Hi, just thought I would post my next rant for people to read and not reply. A year on and I understand why people slip into a dark and miserable place. The world I have took my children into is a whole different one to when I was younger. Everything in life is money this, money that and at the end of the day you either earn a honest wage or go the other way.
    After reading over 1500 pages of a certain manifesto my views don't fully agree with the writer but I can see where he was coming from.
    In all, the point I'm ranting about is unless people get help from friends or family and support them they will slip out of everyone's everyday life and without getting myself in trouble have serious thoughts about ending life.
    I joined this forum 6 years ago and I'm alot older now and wiser to the world but my hatred for it is even greater which can only be a negative thing.
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