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2am and I can't stop crying

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Talia862, May 6, 2015.

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  1. Talia862

    Talia862 Well-Known Member

    It is 2 am and I can't stop crying. I want to die. I just dont' want to hurt my friends. I have the most wonderful friends anyone can hope for. I don't know what I did to deserve them but I love them so much. This is how much my friends care- when they found out I was suicidal, a few of my friends started a secret facebook group for me and just use it to talk about how I'm doing and how to help me. I have a friend staying over right now she is not a super close friend and doesn't really know what I am going through but I can't imagine letting her find me. I want the peace of death but I don't want to hurt those I love.

    I want to be free of this pain. Physical and emotional pain. I feel so incredibly depressed, and I am hurting so much inside. I am also hurting physically. I have Rheumatoid arthritis which is where your immune system attacks your joints. i am in CONSTANT physical pain. It hurts so much sometimes. It's also a progressive disease- after only five years of having it I already walk with a cane and sometimes am in a wheelchair when the pain is really bad. I can barely walk to get the mail. Yesterday I had to have my friend push me to get the mail. She is only going to be here a few more days. it hurts all the time and the pain meds don;t always help.

    i want to die, but i have a few friends who also struggle w suicidal feelings and i don't want to push them over the edge either, i am seeing my counselor tomorrow
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hope your meeting with councelor has help to decrease your emotional pain some. I do hope you can talk to your doctor about seeing a pain specialist to help you cope with the physical pain

    Hold onto your friends they will help to take some of the darkness away
  3. Luie

    Luie Well-Known Member

    Oooch, I have rheumatoid arthritis too. Really sucks in the morning, but I'm still fairly young so I can't imagine what you're going through. I do have two suggestions for pain management that made things easier for me. The first is shark cartilage. you can get them at pharmacies, over the counter (though you may want to talk to your doctor about dosage). This helps protect your joints from that grinding shit. The second is of course, cannabis. But in edible form. Low-potency, edible cannabis daily can help you get through those rough patches. I usually take a candy in the morning, though lately I haven't needed them. After a while you grow a tolerance to the high effect, so it won't make you loopy or anything. If you find you don't like the feeling at all, you can also take an extract, though I'm not sure where you can find them in non-legalized states. It doesn't help quite as much, but it's still something. By experience, it's done more for me than pain meds, and it feels better than taking them.

    If that "sharks don't get cancer" controversy freaks you out, you can just buy straight-up chondroitin sulfate, which does have clinical studies. Hope somethin helps<3
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