3.10.16

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by Auerbach, Mar 11, 2016.

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  1. Auerbach

    Auerbach Well-Known Member

    I cut last night, after a year and three months of not cutting. I had to, and it felt good. Now I am just sitting here with cuts all over and feeling lower than scum.
     
  2. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    *hugs* I am sorry you had to do that hun.

    We all have setbacks sometimes, but try to have the strength to fight it again. 15 months is a very long time, very well done for having lasted that long! You can do it again. I believe in you!
     
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  3. AdamTide

    AdamTide Well-Known Member

    Lady is right, look how much you ALREADY accomplished. That was very impressive. :) Alter Bridge sings "I've been defeated and brought down " but it also sings "I won't look back I'll fight to remain". So do your best to learn from this and KEEP GOING. You are such a strong person. You may feel low now buy imagine how you'll feel when you get back on track with the no cutting. :) You've done so good ! Let the pain and disappointment DRIVE you to keep going. Turn the negative into something positive. We are here if you need us. :) You are going to be ok and everything's gonna be alright. hug
     
    sahel likes this.
  4. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Auerbach, I'm sorry things went in that direction. You managed for a long time without it, so maybe just accept it happened, and start to move forward again. I'm thinking of you.
     
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  5. Lady Snowblood

    Lady Snowblood Active Member

    Sometimes we just have to accept that things don't always turn out the way we wished they would.
    Don't judge yourself now, and remember what you've already accomplished. I believe that a relapse like this can be a part of the healing process and the journey towards recovery. It's not always a one-way-road, sometimes you can lose your way for a moment or even steer in the opposite direction again. The important thing is to never give up and lose hope that you'll make it to the end of that road someday.

    I am actually not much of a cutter myself, but my sister used to cut herself a lot. I know some cutters don't take care of their wounds as a means to prolong the pain and to further punish themselves for what they did. Please don't follow them in this behaviour, you deserve better. At least apply some antibiotic cream to discourage infection and help the body's natural healing process. After all, there are already enough scars left on your soul, you don't need more on your body. And believe what the others already told you, you are a wonderful person and you will have the strength to keep going!
     
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  6. Auerbach

    Auerbach Well-Known Member

    This will never end, it has been going on for four years and I never stopped. It is a result of how people treat me and see I am, a worthless, atrocious, piece of shit, the lowest scum of the earth, so I act the part by looking like one.
     
  7. Lady Snowblood

    Lady Snowblood Active Member

    I guess all of us here have demons to fight against. As for your feeling that there is no end in sight, I can relate to this a lot.
    For me, it's an eating disorder that I struggle with for almost nine years now. In fact I think I'll never recover from it. What
    we lack in our dark moments is the self respect and understanding to at least not judge ourselves for whatever harm we did to
    ourselves because of our illness. I actually believe it's much harder to forgive oneself than forgiving others. But forgiving yourself
    might be the first step to self-acceptance. Whoever made you feel worthless, don't fall for their manipulating sh*t. Those who
    have to bash others are the truly weak ones, having to rely on their own toxic behaviour to obtain that gratification of empowerment
    and superiority they need so bad to distract themselves from their own miserable existences. You are already stronger than they will
    ever be, even though you're feeling so low right now. And they can never change that, no matter what they'll be saying to you to convince
    you of the opposite.
     
  8. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Auerbach, I'm sorry you feel so badly. "It has been going on for four years" - the SH? You stopped for 15 months...well over a year. You have the know how to stop again.

    Please, re-evaluate your sense of self. You are NOT the low-life you say you are. You get to decide who and how you will be.

    Regardless of what anyone else says or does with regard to you, you can treat yourself well and kindly. You really don't deserve the demeaning adjectives. How about if you start a new "no SH record" starting right now? You've done it before. You have the skills. A lapse doesn't mean all the past effort was wasted. Everyone can hit a rough spot. I hope you pick yourself up soon. Let us know if we can give you some support. *hug*
     
  9. AdamTide

    AdamTide Well-Known Member

    You are NOT scum. You are a good person who deserves happiness. You can have a good life ahead of you. You matter to us on here. Think as positively as you can. Life doesn't have to be so bad. It can be quite good. Find something GOOD in each day. Take it day by day and even hour by hour. You will be ok. hug
     
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