3 Attempts in 1.5 weeks

[GoldenPsych]

i got let out of hospital after I took <mod edit: bunny - methods> paracetamol tablets. Went in monday and was in 3 nights. Things have gotten so on top of me. Have been feeling depressed for a year and have been on pills which don't seem to work. I was on a drip for 3 days. Didn't really get any side effects from it just was dizzy on the monday and was throwing up in hospital. I have been seeing a counsellor however nothing much has come of it. The person that has most helped is the psychologist at the hospital - however io still feel the same and i don't regret it. It is horrible being home though. The hospital was my safe place and now I am just reminded of everything as I wonder round my home. Iam trying to get get better but keep hitting that brick wall. It wasn't my 1st attempt just overa week ago i tok <mod edit: no numbers please> pills with loads of alcohol and 2 days after that did it again with cough medicine and alcohol.
Do I want to Die? Well I don't know - I just don't want to live like this anymore and can't see a way out. Will it happen again? I really don't know!

 

[Sycotic_Sarah]

paracetamol huh...
makes you very ill...
four attempts on paracetamol ive done...
all of them ive felt incredibly sick and ill...

i hope you find a reason to keep living...
overdosing is very unreliable anyway...
even though two of my friends died by it :cry:

youll soon realize oneday
you dont really want to die...
dont let that day...
be too late.

 

[Blackness]

there is hope hun, and dont try the paracetamol again, not good!

 

[GoldenPsych]

I spose i hoped I'd just fall asleep and not wake up. Was told by my psychologist that is not the best way - not that he was giving me hints on how to or anything. I can't talk to anyone about how I have been feeling about things. Only 2 people know what happened - i can't alk to my friends or family about it and just feel so lonely.

 

[tilly]

Be very carefull. My digestive system has never recovered. I OD'd and was put on life support and spent 3 weeks in hospital, collapsed lungs. frozen bowel and that was just the start.I can't tell you the pain I suffered in that hospital recovering from what I did to myself. 4 weeks after I got home most of my hair fell out. I have only a very thin layer of hair left and I'm still hoping it will grow back 6 months later. I had thick long hair before this. I have trouble everytime I eat . My life has improved and I no longer think about dying all the time but I still am paying for my attempt

 

[GoldenPsych]

Looking back things were so simple back then. I knew nothing. I thought everything. Now I know more. I have attempted so many more times.I thought it would be easy. Things have got worse since then. OK I have had good times in between but then comes back and bites me on the bum and the cycles get worse and worse each time. Why?????

 

[wheresmysheep]

I hear you, and agree with you. And my feelinga on the matter is; why do i keep battling? But we have to. And i do. I know ita in vain. But i keep battling. For the good times. And in the hope that something will help me at some point.

 

[BornFree]

I am sorry you're still in pain... its not easy I know!

Just wanted to say I am personally glad you are still here and value your posts, they are always thoughtful, sincere and genuine... just like you!
Sorry,I have no amazing words of wisdom, just wanted to say you're appreciated!

Hugs
Ditsy

 

[GoldenPsych]

Thanks...I appreciate that you said I was appreciated. Lol!

Just reading back on previous posts I think what did I do different, how did I get out of that rut. What happened. I know last time it was someone in the bed next to me dying. But that didn't work this time. I felt bad obviously, but even a young girl of 20 being murdered didn't change my feelings. I felt bad for wishing it had have been me and that here I am trying to take my own life numerous times and this was a girl who hadn't, it was abruptly ended.

I don't know what the next step for me is at the moment. I don't know how much longer these feelings will last and how long I will keep on battling before something either changes or I snap.