So there's this girl, she's the best person in the whole world.. she just doesn't think so. She is my best friend, my everything. I need her. She is the reason that i am still here. I can spend hours and hours on the phone with her, and secretly be smiling and feel happiness just from hearing her sweet angellic voice.. She is my angel.. The world will stop if she disappears. My heart will stop because I can't understand how i was alive before i met her, and now i have her, and i need her more than anyone or anything. I need her safe, i worry about her so often. When i go to sleep unless i am drop dead tired i stay up all night to make sure she is safe. When she is low.. i get low.. i feel her mood, i feel her well-being.. When she says goodbye to me.. when she doesn't think she's going to make it.. I lose myself.. I am no longer a person. I am dead. I breakdown and lose my mind and cry so much so often, and i'm so scared that she will leave me behind. But, in ways, i don't deserve such a good person in my life anyways. I hurt everyone i get close to, i don't mean to, i just end up hurting them. And i've been so scared that i hurt her, and she finally told me it's all i do. I will be better. Almost all my bad habbits are gone. She's helped me through so much. And i haven't done shit for her. And i wonder why it is she says she loves me, why it is that she hasn't left me yet. Two nights ago, i wanted to die for how much i hurt her. I had held off for so long..and i couldn't do it anymore.. I cut.. i carved angel into my ankle. She is my angel. And if for when she leaves me behind..I will still have her..But because i cut.. she cut too... We have a pact.. It's the only way we know both of us are safe.. it's funny how often we ask for freebies. And if we tried to end the pact..it is the foundation of our friendship.. Even if we said we ended the pact.. i would still cut when she cut.. i would still copy every bad thing she did.. i want to feel the same pain she does..sometimes i lie awake at night and think about what i can do to help her like she's helped me, and i try so hard.. but i am such a failiure.. my mood hasn't even been okay in a little over a week.. And i feel like my life is ending.. so i've thought to try and push her away.. to keep her safe.. but i don't know if i can.. I'm scared if i push her away i will push her into harm's way. I wish i was there with her all the time. i want to feel her and touch her skin, and know that she is real. Know that there really is a person as good as she is. I just wish she would realize that it's a priveledge for me to even get to speak with her. I don't deserve her. And she doesn't deserve my shit. I sometimes wish she had found someone better.. but then again at times.. it feels like we were destined to meet each other. We are both sinking further into depression.. And either we will both get better together.. or we will both die together.. Either way.. i am never leaving her. I need her more than anything. I love her more than anything in the whole world. i would give up everything to save her. I would and will die for her. Even if she leaves me behind.. she finds something better... I will be happy for her.. because she will be happy.