3 months of nothing

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Hache, May 13, 2009.

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  1. Hache

    Hache Well-Known Member

    I got depressed, borderline suicide, so i decide to move away and go to uni. I left in the hope i would get friends, a girlfriend, a social life rather than sitting at a computer all day and a career/degree that would make me proud of myself and slightly arrogant.

    The year is now coming to an end, i'm at home now but i go to uni for a week next week then that is it for over 3 months. Uni helped depression slightly, at first, mainly because those 4 things i said looked possible, like there would be a chance of something, but then depression came back 2nd half of the year and has been getting worse and worse as the year comes closer to an end.

    I have a few friends. Although i stopped going to lectures because i had none on the course. I leave still having never had a gf, i leave without a social life, i've only been out once since january, the friends i have dont do anything but sit in a kitchen play on laptops maybe watch a film or two. After a week at uni i bottled the course i was going to do, changed to something i thought was achieveable, so pride in what i do has gone.

    Now I am soon to be back home for 3 months, back to the life of nothing, going nowhere, doing nothing, no friends, no gf, no independence.

    All i want is a gf, someone to be with, be close to, someone who will make me feel better about me so i can move up. But this year has taught me that i am not good enough, i'm not attractive.

    Uni has become a rut like my previously life. I dont think it will be long before i become suicidal again.

    I dont know what to do, i dont want to feel this way.

    Like Jim Carey said in dumb and dumber (lol) "Harry, I'm sick of being no one, I'm sick of having no one"
     
  2. shades

    shades Staff Alumni

    HACHE: Clear your head, take some time and come up with another plan. There's always an alternative! You can still make something of yourself and have a decent life. Not everyone has a degree...I don't and I was able to make a pretty good life for myself for 30 years or so. Yeah, I'm at SF now, for different issues, but you can still find a gf and get some enjoyment out of life.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: May 14, 2009
  3. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni

    I think a lot of people can relate to how you're feeling.
    Sounds like you're young. Just because you don't have a girlfriend right now doesn't mean you won't ever have one. Maybe when you stop looking she'll come around. Find something or someone that you can count on. When I am desperate, I know I always have this place to count on. Stick around and keep posting :hug:
     
  4. Hache

    Hache Well-Known Member

    True, and i would...but... i am on my last plan now :sad: i've quit 4 courses and 1 job, now i am 21 with a lot of debt, back at first year uni to try and get the things that made me fail sorted.

    I'm not gunna quit uni (i might have failed exams though) and i cant quit not again.

    I just wanna hurt myself while i wait for someone to get me:sad:

    I kind of do have something that occupys my mind a lot, that helps, but not all the time.

    By the time i go back to uni i'll be approaching 22 and never having had a gf, how can i help but think i am not good enough, i am ugly, immature, weedy and boring.
     
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