3 o'clock in the morning in australia

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by lozzie, Mar 12, 2013.

  1. lozzie

    lozzie Well-Known Member

    I guess knowing i can write here at any time, no matter how I am feeling really lifts me up. Its gathers my nerves and emotions that is collected by my tiny brain and then with permission is followed through my fingers. You know what I have been doing so well, and have just started posting on SF again. I guess well for one im still me :) but its kind of nice to separate the negativity from my life and share some positive.
    Right now, I can not sleep. I have tossed and turned- sprayed my lavender and turned on my music ect... and yet every night since my abusive uncle died i wake up thinking he is back in the room with me. Its such an accomplishment for me to even be moving on so well with my life and up until a few weeks ago when he passed away from terminal cancer..... i was fine.

    I wont lie, it disturbs me to know he is floating around somewhere- believe what ever you believe... Im a christian and yet i still believe that this fella could be a floater. What I have to get into my thick skull is that he is not there, he is not hurting me or watching me or will ever have any right to take away anymore happiness then he did. The saddness has worn off, the corruption and even my self harm..... (claps)
    I will not give in, Im here typing my ramble because for the first time I have had the deep thoughts of hurting myself, I have found myself sitting at my laptop talking to you guys on this site. I have finally figured out a different way to express myself. And hey I have gone over a year without self harming, so i bought myself a new camera to take better photos of what I already love taking.

    I shall stop crying now.... I was so fearful that I was going to ruin my year milestone, but I didn't I got through. Selecting a few choice words to type and I think this has helped me alot.
    Not alot of people know how to relate to someone who has been a victim of childhood abuse and the effects it has. But I want to tell you that the best thing for them is for you to be their friend. The friends I have in my life right now have seen me through my darkest days. From completely loosing my mind and almost successfully ending my own life.... to seeing just what a little food and water does and lots love can become from one person is something worth sharing :)

    I chose to tell you some good things, because the good out does the bad, it brings my joy even when im down the the dumps.

    Hi my name is Lauren :)
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi Lauren glad you were able to release some of the thoughts here so your mind can relax a bit now. glad you did not harm yourself hun you have had enough harm in your life. Good also you have such supportive friends to help you hugs
  3. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    Hi Lauren - so glad that you are regaining so much strength now that your uncle is out of your life. As for thinking about his presence following you - as a Christian you have the right and the power to speak out loud to any fear about this and tell it to go - he has no more legal right to be anywhere near you now - (not that he had any right to abuse you when he was alive, apart from what he assumed and mis-thought that he had). Your position is one of freedom and I would so encourage you to dwell on that in your mind and heart, you have been made free by so many things other than any negative fear - make it your goal to know that you are walking totally free from his influence :)
  4. Androgyny

    Androgyny Well-Known Member

    Good for you Lauren! It takes more strength and courage than you realise to release those thoughts into the ether and to not s/h once you have been in the cycle of it. It's been a bit over a year since I s/h'd too.

    If you ever wish to talk, feel free to msg me. I am usually awake at 3 in the morning in Australia (Sydney)! lol
  5. lozzie

    lozzie Well-Known Member

    Thankyou :D Yeh it can be difficult but I am so determined. And your right my uncle has not got anymore of my time :D I can so do this :D