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3 things - stupid list

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Banned Member

just 3 things...

1. change shirt
2. get brush with intention of brushing hair (have tons of it :sad:)
3. Change flange :sad: most difficult one sigh have too this should be first on stupid list.

4?...and then find something perhaps to pour down my throat and numb every nerve ending, if that is possible.

5?...then see where it goes from there, yes? yes. no sense leaving messes especially of one's self.

list is getting longer.

I need an emote that says; I suck dirt! heh, perhaps literally, soon. At least my humor is somewhat intact. Wish the rest of me were.

This sucks dirt so much. I should be attending to things outside. That is not going to happen. Ever.

ok. procrastinating. 3 things. time to attend to stupid list.

It's really sad, when everyone else thinks it's the best option too. Definitely reinforces that hopelessness. They are right though. They too would do this.
Too bad Dr. K died eh? Perhaps I'll see him somewhere.

damn. brush teeth should be on that list. It's getting a bit too much though. That is a lot to freaking do.

oops...didn't see you there. Ummm...numb is really important right now. **hugs** for you....been concerned about you but not in any position to be a very positive support. A bit mouthy at the moment. I am sorry XXXXX
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Take some deep breaths and try to relax, not become overwhelmed and let those thoughts be released from your mind.

Please take good care of you. That is NOT the best thing to do.



Banned Member
if you are going to put a hole in someone, at least do it frigging right. Either that or don't ruin their belly button. Other docs carefully go around said navel. NO not you, said with a growl in my voice. FFS. There is nowhere to get a proper seal on this frigging flange, idiots. I know i know...it was an "emergency". Well FU, it would not have been had you listened to me each day for seven days i said, man something is seriously wrong here guys. Even another doc tried to tell you. No. "I didn't do anything while i was in there. IT can't be because of me being in there" HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA Arrogant shit and this was only error number 1. You did plenty more, eh? FU. No. Instead of being able to take your f-ing time, and do the job right (that you fucked up to begin with) no, now it's an emergency so we have to get in and out as quickly as possible before this one keels over. Would have screwed that up too had there not been a senior surgeon there huh? Couldn't fuck up that time...only while i was recovering from first error...you managed fuckups then. good grief. FU.

Is this turning into a rant? Is it because I am locked inside a fucking useless shell now you idiots? FFS. Cut me some slack here. GD!


I hate this with a bloody passion. Yet no amount of fire from me, is going to fix anything nor change anything.

On with list.
pick up shells off floor, leave three? So it looks like i've been eating??? They've spilled everywhere and it may scare someone (squirrels???? lol right! well it would. Don't they like shells? ) My sicko humor never leaves. this sucks. Well, this one must wait a few moments. I have no energy left.
Kali -

I am very sorry you are going through this.

Please try and relax, to stop going over these things in your mind. I know its hard to distract, God I know. Can you take your mind somewhere pleasant, some positive and peaceful imagery? The animals, the forest, a beach with cocktails?!

Lots of tight hugs.

Keep venting.


Banned Member
too much pain to go anywhere else :sad:
physical pain leads me down this damned road...

would like to be at ocean or desert atm

but i am not!
i am here.
i cannot move.
i cannot do anything
except watch the pictures in my head
and feel my heart bleed
and translate that to physical
and stare at my damned method which no longer hides under a blanket but is resting against wall at my feet.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX i am soo soo soo soo sorry. it is so difficult. i am so torn inside with a desire to be there for you and for others, to be helpful and positive but i cannot get out of this dark place ***tears***
Don't worry about me, only concentrate on you. I understand where your thoughts are at and why. Throw that method out, cover it back up, don't focus on it.

I, too, would like to be at the ocean. Especially on a stormy day, to feel the strength of the wind, hear the power of the crashing waves, and to be so in awe to forget temporarily what's in my mind.

I have to go lie down for a bit, a tad under the weather or something. Hope to see you later.

You are a good person. Hugs


I hope that your doing well. I havent herd from you in some time. Take care of yourself.


Banned Member
Thank you sweet IV XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXx **gentle hugs** for you. Wish i could give you one in person.

John, one hour difference between cst and est?

I set alarm to call.


are you as scared as i am?
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