My life has slowly spirally downhill over the last 2 years. Ive been waiting on a heart transplant for awhile now. Honestly I dont wants it. I would rather it go to someone who really wants it and needs it. My doctor told me If i didnt take my meds i could have a stroke. Well I got to busy and forgot.'I had a stroke on Sept. 29. I lost most fuctions on my right side all the feelings on my right side as well. I can hardly talk. Spelling is a real treat to. A week afterwards I could send a simple text "Call me" even after sounding it out I still didnt know how to spell it. Thank God for spell checker. I looked up suicide and stroke on google. Wow. Was I surprised. Basically I'm at the bottom of the barrel. I cant see a way out. I have nothing to look forward to anymore. I've lived with my parents since my divorce in 05'. Pretty sad huh? My kids don't talk to me anymore. And when I get upset and I try to tell my mother that I have nothing to live to she shrugs it off. I try to tell her about being lonely and she doesnt understand. I wish I had someone to talk to. Someone to just telll me it'll be alright. I hurt deep inside and no one understands. Im basically treated like shit. I dont know how the next couple of hours will go, but I real appreciate this forum and the caring that strangers show. More caring than my family shows towards me. Thank you for your friendship.