3 weeks in my room

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by tiredfighter, Dec 15, 2010.

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  1. tiredfighter

    tiredfighter Well-Known Member

    ok so just to put a little back story on this thread, a year ago I was home visiting my mum and my brother came for Xmas, we've never got on due to him being a very clean cut type of guy (he wants to be a lawyer) and he's always been very judgemental of my career choice (I'm a tattoo artist by trade) and the way I've lived my life because I have a soft spot for graffiti and I love nothing more than finding a wall or an abandoned building and just going to town on it with a spray can, so anyway last year everything was going fine until one night when I'd been out painting at my secret place, I came back to the house and as soon as I walked through the door I was hit with a barrage of abuse, my mum had been worried that I was going to get caught and was quite upset and my brother started lecturing me, saying things like "the sole reason I want to be a lawyer is to put scum like you away" and "you need to grow up and stop with this "free spirit" bullshit". Ive never been the type to be spoken down to, especially seeing as I'm the older brother, so I did my best to ignore him but then he said the worst thing he could have said "this is one of the reasons our family has always been ashamed of you" so immediately I flipped and beat him to within an inch of his life, I was arrested and charged but not sent to prison, instead I was given a suspended sentence for 2yrs (uk readers will know what that is but basically it's probation) so I was bailed and I went home, continued to tattoo and things seemed ok although there were alot of bad moment I was able to cope, then recently I lost my job cos my boss was a dickhead and it sent me over the edge and I was hospitalised after threatening to jump off a 24 floor tower block and take as many police officers as I could hold with me, so after a 72hr observation period arrangments were made to release me into the charge of my mum until I could get back on my feet, now within the next hour my brother is due to arrive at my mums for a holiday and even though I'm desperate to talk to him cos after all he's my brother, I've made the decision to spend the holidays in my room as I dont want any trouble and I don't want to hurt anyone again, I guess what I'm trying to ask is, have I made the right decision or should I try and force a relationship again despite the chances of it going wrong?
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I would not try to force anything i would not stay in my room though it is yourhouse afterall. You can be civil with him and if he starts with the lecturing just walk away this time go outside for awalk Tell him you just want to be friends and you want no more trouble You do not have to hide away okay you have a right to be who you are just as he has a right to be who he is. I hope both of you can respect each others lifestyles.
     
  3. tiredfighter

    tiredfighter Well-Known Member

    looks like all the stupidness has started already, first he comes in, sees me and demands a flight home immediately and now him, my mum and my sister have all gone out for a nice family meal and I was told I couldn't go, I really dont see why I deserve this shit, all I've ever done was think about my family and ok so I haven't lived what you would call a straight and narrow life but I've always been the one who's been rejected so it's understandable that as a kid and an adolescent I was a bit of a tear away right? I don't know, maybe I'm asking too much by wanting to forgive and forget, maybe I should just pack up my stuff and move on, let them be a happy family, cos I know one things for sure, I can't live my life constantly being rejected and refused permission to be a member of my own family.
     
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You are right what they are doing is mean and you should move on Get a place of your own where you can be you Where you can feel safe not aplace where you are forced to hide and be rejected. You will survive when you leave this toxic place you will be able to be free to be who you want to be okay. Time to look after you .
     
  5. tiredfighter

    tiredfighter Well-Known Member

    see the thing is my place won't be ready for 6weeks, in my view this is all completely unnecessary, what happened a year ago, I mean come on surely after a year it's time to get a grip, get over your ego and pride and say "hey we've had our shit in the past but were brothers, that's what matters" right? I'm not gonna beg for forgiveness or acceptance, I apologised last year so I'm not I'm the wrong for refusing to do it again and I know this, at the end of the day I have bigger things on my mind than him and as much as it sounds bad to say it, my relationship with him and his opinion of me is kinda a "no thought" right now, my mental well being is my main concern so I'm not gonna run around after a stroppy 19yr old tryna get acceptance, I know this has turned into more of an angry post but the truth is I am angry, in fact I'm fuckin livid that he would forget about all the times I was beaten to a pulp cos he ran his mouth to the wrong group of kids, about all the times I've dished out more money than I can count to make sure he was able to visit our mother for holiday, AND I never asked for a single penny back!! I'm livid that he would forget all that and dwell on the one time I really turned on hi
    !!!!!
     
  6. pileofgarbage

    pileofgarbage Member

    You're getting closer. What you really need to do is put some distance between yourself and your family (for everyone's sake). Then check into a psychiatric hospital or join the Army. You have an awful lot of growing up to do, and talking to a shrink might do you some good.

    You're a grown man who can't stop himself from spray painting graffiti on other people's property, <Mod Edit, WildCherry: insulting> and who responds to criticism with violent assault.
     
  7. CatherineC

    CatherineC Staff Alumni

    Well personally I would LOVE to have a brother who was a tattoo artist and graffiti artist. I consider both tattoos and graffiti to be a form of art and worthy of recognition.
    I'd have hit the roof if my brother had spoken to me in the way that your's has. Especially the scum bit. Who does he think he is?
    What I wouldn't have done though is react violently. Theres never an excuse for violence and there's no need either. If you think about it you could have put him down with a few well chosen words. "You don't mind this piece of scum paying for your travel' etc
    I don't think you should try and gain his 'acceptance' or anything else. Let him grow up and he'll discover just how ignorant he is soon enough.
    I'm not surprised that you're angry, I would be angry too. As I said though, you can't ever react with violence.
    You may have to accept that you're a creative person living amongst a family of non creative people. You may always have some distance between you but sometimes that's the way it is. If they can't accept who you are, then there's nothing you can do about it. Don't stop being who you are, although it might be an idea to look at anger management coping strategies.
    xx
     
  8. Avarice

    Avarice Well-Known Member

    I think you're being far too judgemental given you barely know him.

    Personally, I don't think it's worth the risk. You don't want to risk the same happening again if your brother decides to get in your face about your life style choices again, because at the end of the day he doesn't sound as though he's worth the trouble. I agree that it's not fair that you should cut yourself off from the rest of the house & family just because of him, as it's your home and not his after all, but I think to force a relationship between you two might not only cause more trouble but also be in vain; if the guy wants a relationship with you he knows where to find you, it's not like you don't have other more important things to focus on, as you say (such as your personal issues). Maybe once you're feeling better mentally, and when you have a bit more stability in your life (and your own place) you can start thinking about forging a proper, brotherly relationship with the guy.

    As for your family casting you out and rejecting you, that's utter bullshit on their part. You're just as much a part of the family as any of them and you deserve a place around that dinner table. It's just a shame families can get away with treating eachother like that. =/
     
  9. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    I guess your family doesn't want to risk you getting into another fight with your younger brother. What he said about the family being ashamed of you was wrong, but you should have controlled your temper better and not beat him to a bloody pulp. Maybe you should just let them live their life and you live your life? When they're ready to accept you into the family again then accept them.
     
  10. Fitzy

    Fitzy Well-Known Member

    Hi. Your mum has agreed to care for you after your hospitalisation so I assume she isn't ashamed of you? Can you talk to her? I know how it feels to have a different lifestyle from the rest of the family and be looked down. We have to make our own 'families' - people who care about us and who share our values.
    What's your current job situation? A good tattoo artist is a joy.
    Have you pointed out to your brother that Banksy has done ok out of graffitee? What sort of stuff do you do?
     
  11. Tiredofitall

    Tiredofitall Active Member

    People should really be more careful of what they say......

    Well said....
     
  12. Infortunatus

    Infortunatus Guest

    I can't be objective toward your situation having been on the receiving end of physical abuse by family members. I do think you should try to understand the other person's experience. Being physically assaulted by someone who you have loved and trusted as a close family member is extremely traumatic. I was beaten by my father and also my older brother. I never forgave my father and he died knowing that I still hated him. I haven't spoken to my older brother for many years and I have no intention to ever speak with him again. If he were to die I wouldn't really care and I wouldn't attend his funeral. I know that sounds very harsh. I don't know if I would be considered the forgiving type of person or not. Perhaps not. But I do know that repairing a relationship after that kind of incident would require a lot of effort and willingness for both you and your brother. It could not be one sided. Look after your own needs right now and try to take care of yourself. Try to get your own life back into some kind of order. Fixing the damage between you and your brother will not be easy, and you will need some stability and self confidence to attempt it. I hope your holidays are not as gloomy as it sounds they may be.
     
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