I hadn't cut for three years until recently. I thought it was all behind me. Now Im cutting and taking pills. I just can't get the same release from it that I used to though it does help more than anything else. I'm quite scared about what will happen to me. I need to go into a secure unit to be safe but it is unlikely the drs will admit me. My family had to beg them and beg them last time, and that was arter 3 serious attempts ending in A&E (ER). I know it is me doing this so logically I should be able to stop. But I just can't. This forum has helped so much. If I hadn't had this a few nights ago, I would be in the hospital with serious injuries. I guess I do want to live, but I also don't. I think the 'why bother anymore' side of me is winning. I have cut today and will again soon, but it is better than overdosing and slitting my wrists.