After reading the warm welcome i received in the "welcome section" i finally decided to tell you guys a bit of what happened to me.
I've been feeling depressed for 3 years now: it's started just after i finished highschool when i started a HND to become a film editor. At the time it was the only thing i wanted. But after 2 month, i already wanted to quit. But my best friend told me to go on studying and i listened to her. The whole year was awful, but i went on. Finally, it started to get worse at the beginning of the holidays: i was supposed to do a training period in a production company but i didn't because i couldn't find one. I didn't say anything to my teachers and i lied to my school mates telling them i was ok.
I first attempted suicide in June 2004. I failed and my best friend got me to the hospital. That day became one of the worse of my life when i saw my mom's face there. She was crying so much, she couldn't understand, she didn't know anything because i rarely spoke to my family. I can't even describe how it made me feel at that point. Anyway, i had only took 3 pills so it was nothing and i got out an hour later. My father didn't realised or didn't care, my brother didn't care either. My mom said everything would be different, she said that if i needed anything i should ask, she said i didn't have to come on holidays with them (i hated it). I came nevertheless when they asked me to. I knew that nothing had changed and i kept crying myself to sleep, praying i would be dead when the morning come.
I didn't want to go through the second year of y HND, but i did when my teacher asked me to. I came back to class 2 weeks after the start. It was great in the beginning, nothing like the 1st year. I had to go to a counselor and he was kind of nice, even if i didn't feel like he was really helping me. But it changed in only 2 weeks. I started to take pills again at lunch for 3 month.
From november to march, i stopped taking pills but i didn't felt better. I was always tired (i didn't have any break during the year: had to do the training period) and i lied to the counselor so i finally could stop seing him. Things got worse again at the end of school year, during my exams. I attempted suicide a third time (i failed the second one because my mother interrupted me and asked: "you're not going to take pill, are you?") it was the most serious attempt becasue this time i emptied the bottle of pills. I felt even worse when it didn't kill me: i merely felt sick for about a week. Finally, i didnt try again (i had no pills anyways), passed my exams and got my degree. But it didn't made me feel better.
I'm so sorry that this post i really long and probably boring... There is so much more that i want to say but i'm really tired now. I'm gonna tell you more tomorrow, about my dad, my friends and other things that happened and made me felt lonelier than ever. And i'm sorry my english really sucks.:unsure:
Chris
I've been feeling depressed for 3 years now: it's started just after i finished highschool when i started a HND to become a film editor. At the time it was the only thing i wanted. But after 2 month, i already wanted to quit. But my best friend told me to go on studying and i listened to her. The whole year was awful, but i went on. Finally, it started to get worse at the beginning of the holidays: i was supposed to do a training period in a production company but i didn't because i couldn't find one. I didn't say anything to my teachers and i lied to my school mates telling them i was ok.
I first attempted suicide in June 2004. I failed and my best friend got me to the hospital. That day became one of the worse of my life when i saw my mom's face there. She was crying so much, she couldn't understand, she didn't know anything because i rarely spoke to my family. I can't even describe how it made me feel at that point. Anyway, i had only took 3 pills so it was nothing and i got out an hour later. My father didn't realised or didn't care, my brother didn't care either. My mom said everything would be different, she said that if i needed anything i should ask, she said i didn't have to come on holidays with them (i hated it). I came nevertheless when they asked me to. I knew that nothing had changed and i kept crying myself to sleep, praying i would be dead when the morning come.
I didn't want to go through the second year of y HND, but i did when my teacher asked me to. I came back to class 2 weeks after the start. It was great in the beginning, nothing like the 1st year. I had to go to a counselor and he was kind of nice, even if i didn't feel like he was really helping me. But it changed in only 2 weeks. I started to take pills again at lunch for 3 month.
From november to march, i stopped taking pills but i didn't felt better. I was always tired (i didn't have any break during the year: had to do the training period) and i lied to the counselor so i finally could stop seing him. Things got worse again at the end of school year, during my exams. I attempted suicide a third time (i failed the second one because my mother interrupted me and asked: "you're not going to take pill, are you?") it was the most serious attempt becasue this time i emptied the bottle of pills. I felt even worse when it didn't kill me: i merely felt sick for about a week. Finally, i didnt try again (i had no pills anyways), passed my exams and got my degree. But it didn't made me feel better.
I'm so sorry that this post i really long and probably boring... There is so much more that i want to say but i'm really tired now. I'm gonna tell you more tomorrow, about my dad, my friends and other things that happened and made me felt lonelier than ever. And i'm sorry my english really sucks.:unsure:
Chris