31 years old and never been in a relationship

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Caleo, Sep 6, 2010.

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  1. Caleo

    Caleo New Member

    Not planning on starting a discussion with this post. Just thought I’d post it here instead of my personal journal today.

    31 years old and never been in a relationship. No sex, kissing, hand-holding, never been on a date; nothing. The amount I would have to improve my social skills, adjust my personality, and generally catch up to where people who are near my age would consider me date-able is more work than I have the energy for anymore. Shrugging my shoulders and trying to learn to be content with being alone isn’t an option; the only thing worth a damn in life are the relationships you form with other people. Without that, life is pointless.

    I missed my opportunity for happiness with someone because I was afraid, and I hesitated. Now it’s too late. I’m old enough and realistic enough to know that another opportunity like that isn’t going to be around the next corner any time soon. If anyone out there is in a similar situation to me and they still have a chance with someone, take my advice and don’t hesitate.

    Anything else I post would be unimportant details, or is not allowed under the TOS/guidelines of this site. Irony in there somewhere maybe.
     
  2. pit

    pit Well-Known Member

    I've been struggling with bad relationships for years. I've never been in a healthy relationship. As much as I try, I fail. A woman who once loved me only wants to be friends now due to my dysfunctional past. I feel like shit every day. This is a relationship gestapo world. If you're not in a loving relationship, there's something wrong with you. That's what the world says. So fuck the world.

    :shelbi:
     
  3. flowingriver

    flowingriver Well-Known Member

    I know people in their 30's, 40's, 50's up to late 70's, still getting dates. And there are some between 30 and 60, dating as frequently as younger people.
    There is hope out there.
     
  4. Lovecraft

    Lovecraft Well-Known Member

  5. TheBLA

    TheBLA Well-Known Member

    I'm "only" 23 but I feel like I will never be in a relationship myself. I'm just not expecting one to happen. I'm just not good enough, so I don't even want to try in the first place. I've screwed up my life so much, had my social and other skills in decline for so long that I feel its useless to try to bring them to "normal" levels that everyone else has. Believe me when I say that I am completely abnormal and a freak.

    I just want to force myself to be content that I will be alone. I have and will never have a significant other for myself and I need to accept that fact. I hate that I'm younger and that while others say its good that I have time, I feel that its just more time to suffer and be under pressure to get into a relationship. Maybe I'd like if I was "old" and the chance has already gone past so I don't even have to contemplate and think about it. But then there's still a chance for me right now and I hate having to choose whether to try or just to give up. I hate making decisions. : /
     
  6. jjjoooggg2

    jjjoooggg2 Well-Known Member

    I have never been in a serious relationship. I'm 40 and that's the last thing I'm worried about now. I'm about to move away from my parents. And although, it is something that I've looked forward for a long time. I feel somewhat angry and remorse even though the remedy is coming soon. I think I'm coming to grips with all the misguidance of what to major and what to do with my life. I'm finally making my own decisions and making a trail of my own.
     
  7. Chameleon76

    Chameleon76 Well-Known Member

    Not true at all.
     
  8. josephMerrick

    josephMerrick Member

    Caleo...

    I originally logged in to perhaps start another thread of my own but your post caught my eye.

    the bad news is that i have no words of wisdom for you but wanted to let you know that there are others like you - i, too, have never been in a relationship, never kissed a woman, still a virgin.

    I, too, feel that i am beyond any realistic point of hope. Having never been in a relationship, I cannot expect to simply "make up" over two decades of inexperience in a few days and confidently start dating, certainly not anyone of my own age. I'd have better luck performing open heart surgery.

    by the way, I'm 36.
     
  9. Malou

    Malou Well-Known Member

    Caleo, I reckognize everything you wrote. I am in a similar situation. I am 34 and I never had a relationship either.

    I did have sex a couple of times when I was in college and living in a dorm with many parties. But that was "relationships" that lasted only a couple of hours.
    Never brought anybody home to meet the family. Have to do everything by myself. At family gatherings aunts ask me: "You're lovely, how come you are not married?". When heavy furniture is delivered: "Is there a man in the house who can help carry this sofa up the stairs?". Can't go to the beach in the summer, can't go to see a movie in the cinema, you don't do these things alone.

    But the shame and the pity from other people is not the worst. The worst thing is, that nobody really knows me. I think you are spot on when you write:

    It's like all problems feel so much heavier when you have to handle them alone. And sometimes it feels pointless even to do the dishes, clean the bathroom, brush my teeth, because nobody would know if i didn't, it's all just for my own sake, and I don't really care. Just to have someone to talk to in the evening, who I could trust to be on my side, would be such a relief. Not to ramble on about myself for hours, just to have somebody reckognize I exist and know if I had a good or a bad day.

    I don't mean to bring you down. I hope what I wrote will not be considered triggering. I wanted you to know, that your post brings great comfort to me, because it proves that I am not the only one in this situation. There's already you and me and josephMerrick. There will be more out there.

    I often feel that I am left alone at square one while everybody is passing me by. Even most teenagers have more relationship experience than I have. But the thing is, that it is the ones considered succesful who are also exposed the most. Those are the ones movies are made about, those who are interviewed in magazines. While lonely people hide out of shame. That doesn't mean we don't exist.

    I know you said that you don't want to start a discussion, but if you want to tell more about the love you lost, I will listen (well, read). Sometimes it helps.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 7, 2010
  10. LetItGo

    LetItGo Staff Alumni

    Ya I remember a certain someone by the name of Newton, not particularly personable, but didnt he make some sort of contribution to science or something?

















    (probably the greatest scientist that ever lived, nothing much really)
     
  11. flowingriver

    flowingriver Well-Known Member

    Lovecraft, that was a funny piece, lol.
     
  12. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    You sound like me... although I am Only 25. I had an opportunity And I fucked if up Because of my own fear and weakness. Lets just say that I have learned my lesson.

    Now I will tell you the sad truth of being a male. Relationships do not just happen for us. Plenty of people will tell you to get happy with your life And stop looking and wanting one and a relationship will fall into your lap. Sadly that is how it works for females, not males. Males are the aggressors. So yes fate can randomly drop a female in our lap. However, thus is likely not to happen. If you want to change you have to go out and meet females. If you feel there is truly no hope for you then go out and buy a pick up artist book.

    :( God I feel like such a hypocrite saying this.
     
  13. Multiple Man

    Multiple Man Well-Known Member

    I dont know the circumstances of your life currently but I can relate with how you feel. Quality of life is significantly less, if not unliveable without having someone to share it with or at least the chance or option to. Its like a curse. Its about as essential as air and water. I think living a loveless life can cause decay of the heart. I dont know what to tell you. Although I disagree that your "too old." If you had a chance before you can again. Dont worry about your age.
     
  14. Blue_Sky

    Blue_Sky Well-Known Member

    I'm 24 and I've not done any of those things either. I just accept that I may be alone for the rest of my life, when I really accepted that I felt a lot of freedom from it. I think I could be alone as long as I am able to support myself. I have my interests that I try to devote myself to, maybe you could find something and commit yourself to that. There are many who actually choose to live celibate lives, so there are many examples of people without romantic relationships and it's not the end of life.

    There are at times where it would be nice to have someone there, I can relate to some of the things Malou pointed out. I'd feel a lot less crazy having someone else to talk to besides myself all the time. Or being able to go out to a movie or do something, it's hard for me to be out alone as is, I really never leave the house very much unless there's something I need. I guess it would be more difficult for males, but i've only had a few rare instances where a man has tried to talk to me and seemed interested. I'm nearly a mute though when people try to talk to me, and my nervousness and anxiety probably repulsed them. Sometimes I feel like i'm too weak of a person to be with anyone. I admire strong people so I wonder why anyone would want to be with me. These are just feelings I get, but I try not to dwell on them.
     
  15. lapazyelamor

    lapazyelamor Well-Known Member

    i didnt fail at life either life failed us both ...its a cruel world my friend...
     
  16. Astaroth

    Astaroth Member

    I know it sounds ridiculous comparing myself to someone of your age, but I'm 21 and I've never been in a relationship, nor have I ever had sex. I posted my story here a while back, and nothing has changed. I still perform music, but even that hasn't gotten me any attention of the opposite sex. Not that it really matters anyway, I think some of us (especially me) are destined to be alone forever.

    I'm not trying to discourage anyone here, but it sure seems that way... I don't know what makes some people in this life succeed in the relationship department while others don't, it absolutely makes no sense at all. To top it off, some people that don't even deserve to be in a relationship infact are.

    When I was on vacation (won't say where exactly) I saw a bunch of really "tough" looking guys with beautiful women which gave me the impression that these guys were probably very abusive towards their companions. I could be wrong, but it could be the truth since it usually is. The "tough" guys get the girls while us "wimpy" (according to them) nice guys fail.

    One thing I know for sure is, it takes a lot more balls to be nice and polite than it is to be a prick, but some women fail to see that for some odd reason.

    Everyone on this forum always remember: You're not alone. Take it from me, a guy who looks and dresses like a rockstar and is still a pathetic virgin whose never even been on a date with the opposite sex before.
     
  17. alexander01

    alexander01 Active Member


    I can relate with you and the topic starter, Ima 20 years old guy and never been in a serious relationship, sure Ive had sex a couple of times in high school etc, but I can never seem to get attached to anyone nor can anyone get attached to me, pherhaps its my personality? I dont know.

    I have noticed too that girls seem to like dating idiots, for instance I had a friend who was in a relationship with this girl, and he kept cheating on her and she kept coming back to him. If I had a girlfriend that would love me i would never do that to her! some people don't realize what they have
     
  18. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    This is actually good advise and quite true. Males are the ones who have to make the effort to find females. It has always been this way throughout our evolutionary history during the cave man days, and still is like this today. I'll be turning 30 next year and I'm still a virgin. I do have a 'special friend' that I've known for a few years now, but every time I hint to her that I'd like to be more than just her friend, it creeps her out. So I'm just waiting for her to be ready for a relationship.
     
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