@#$%^@!

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by here2day, Apr 14, 2008.

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  1. here2day

    here2day Well-Known Member

    I can't stand it.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 14, 2008
  2. here2day

    here2day Well-Known Member

    I can't stand the falshbacks anymore. I thought I had dealt with this. I thought I could be normal again. I'm 30. this shouldn't be an issue anymore. the pain shouldn't be able to controll me like this!

    My sister has let my dad move in with her.

    I told her. She doesn't belive me! That's not new to me though. Noone ever did listen when I tried to tell. I was just the kid who liked to make up lies to get attention. I was the mentally ill child who wasn't in controll of her mind.

    bullshit.
     
  3. ari

    ari Staff Alumni

    I have a hard time with flashbacks as well. So I know a bit what you are feeling sometimes. One thing that helped me occasionaly was scripting...which after a flashback I would re-write what had happened to keep myself safe and actually hurt or make the other person that had hurt me disappear. somtimes it works sometimes it doesnt. Other times I just have to use grounding and relaxation techniques to help calm yourself. I am sorry that your sister isnt believing you. I have felt guilt and anger at others and myself for not being believed and not being able to protect my family. I know you probably love your sister and want to protect to her and for now you have done what you could. If something happens, be there to support her later...or if you feel that you have to move on. Pm me if you need to talk. take care. ari
     
  4. here2day

    here2day Well-Known Member

    I feel like a monster.

    they have stopped hurting me but i haven't stopped hurting..punishing...myself.
     
  5. here2day

    here2day Well-Known Member

    ************GRAPHIC*******************















    My sister keeps calling me and telling me how "weird" dad is. like finding him naked in her hallway at 2am. She "thought" he was sleep walking. No no no little sis...not sleep walking. peeping. or yanking off in the hall to you being in your pj's asleep. or worse. I tell her this and she thinks i am over reacting that dad isn't like that. It took me a few to figure out what he was doing when i was a teenager. I couldn't tell if it was me just having wierd dreams or if someone was fingering me in my sleep. it was him. i woke up one night..and pretended to be asleep. i couldn't belive it was real. i didn't want to wake up. i convienced myself it was a dream. it was too sick. i was on the rag and had a tampon inside me and he was trying to pull it out. it happened time and time again. at 13 i tried to off myself cuz i couldn't cope with it anymore. Aas an adult, to this day, i can not fall asleep unless i have a very thick heavy blanket wrapped aournd me very very tightly. even if it is 110 degrees inside.

    the part that sucks...my mom knew. my mom was a preacher.

    i don't speak to him. i don't speak to mom. i do not want to hear what is going on with them. they've got what they deserved! but i luv my lil sis, and i want to maintain a relationship with her...she is my only blood family.

    he's an ass. he told sister that he doesn't understand why i am mad at him and that he forgives me. HE FORGIVES ME? WTF?

    i don't think sis is totally safe from dad. i am 30, she is 28. i don't think he will try to do anything sexual to her... he never showed an interest in her that way...it still isnt' safe.I am the one who looks like MOM. she looks like his side of the family. he is always calling me by my mothers name. treating me like i was his little wife..ugh. he is very very very hot tempered and violent. she is trying to get him out of her house without a major fight. sis is a small framed woman. dad is 6 ft+ and 300 pounds+. He's tried to deck me a couple of times as a grown woman. he is quite capable of seriously hurting her!!! The only thing that saved me from having a broken jaw was that my equally as big husband stepped inside at the right time and dad withdrew his clenched fist. he plots. he can be spontaneous as well. when he lost his house he blamed it on me. then he went about trying to destroy my life. and almost did. he managed to make a few well placed phone calls and almost got my husbands probation revoked. would've been 5 years in prision... omg.. he did it. hubbies p.o. officer told us about the phone call and let us listen to it on her answering machine...but then he called the judge...it was a mess. he did that delibrately, intentionally because he ccould no longer controll me. dad has done worse though. way worse. and trying to take my husband from me was pretty damned bad and outright cruel.

    he can snap. he has blind rage. he has threatened to kill me before...and i took it VERY seriously. He has been in my face, just a inch or less off my nose beat red and hollering at me. he's disowned me, threatened to kill me.... and there was NO DOUBT IN MY MIND HE WAS GOING TO.

    he has it in him. since my parents divorce dad hasn't lived on his own but once. (divorced for 15+ yrs) after divorce he went to live with his parents, then his crazy brother moved in and dad moved out to a trailer that had no heat, huge holes in floor, filthy disgusting dirty that was condemend. then he moved in with another family member that promptly booted his ass out. then he lived with his parents until they died. then he got a house with his inheritance that he shared/bought with another family memeber. they backed out becasue of his gambling problems and the house was being foreclosed on after only one year of being there. then sister took him in. now sister is booting him out. now...now..he is mad. he is blaming it all on me (so much for forgiving me eh?) and i am afraid of what he might do next.

    I can't convience sis that he is a threat. she thinks she can handle him.

    I can't keep listening to what he's doing to her...and her relationship with her soon to be hubbie. he's destroying her slowly. delibrately and covertly. my other family even sees the effect he is having... he takes from who ever he's around until that person is in ruins. he's one of those people who can take and take and take and you don't realize it until you have no friends, no money no nothing.

    blah

    i hate my family. i told sis he was bad news. no one listens to me. i don't get it. they all treat me like i am a chronic liar! I DO NOT LIE. these things happened. my family treats me like I am stupid. can't be stupid raising a family of seven on 13 bucks and hour living in a nice home and not "doing without" and no welfar.takes some brains to do that. i chose to stay at home with kids. i was top of my class. had scholarships lined out. i was date rapped. kept the baby and made the best of it. i chose to live this way, and i have no regrets. it doesn't make me stupid because i am not materilistic. i have been dsimissed as a hyperchondriac. family thought i was a whine and docs thought i was crazy and now i have wegener's ,sle that has my kidneys failing and quite a few other things that doctors didn't pick up on until my kidneys,liver and central nervous system started shutting down.. come to find out i've had this for quite awhile. my health complaints were justified. i kept thinking i might be just a coimplainer. doc after doc kept dismissing me. and my family just told me to outright shut up about it. and the guilt. and i kept silent. just like i did when i told on dad and got the same result...when in both cases i should've stood up and screamed until someone listened to me...it could have saved me in both instances...but because i told on dad no one belived me. they just thought i was wanting attention. then my health started to decline and they just thought i wanted attention.

    now i am stuck with my own guilt of not trying harder. of being quite too long.

    none of this probably makes any sense to anyone because i am just on a wild tyraid. sorry. it's choopy and spelling is horrid. but if i go back and edit it i'll just erase it all. sorry
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 15, 2008
  6. weegee

    weegee Active Member

    please dont give up on tring to convince your sister i know shes a little reluctant to belive what your saying but she needs help if shes in danger. im tempted to say that you shouldent go to the police untill you can(if you can) convice your sister or your mum. but if you cant do either just go to the police anyway its better that your sister hates you then the smae thing that happened to you happening to her.

    i know its rough but stick with it, one way or another someone will belive you(i do) and will help(the police dont laugh somthing like this off they will help).

    if you want to speak just msg me and i will give you my msn.
     
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