I'm done. I have been suicidal for years but I have always been a pussy about ending it. Nothing fucking matters. Death negates all things. When you die it is over you no longer think or anything. So anything that happens in life is pointless. The one thing that kept me going was the thought that maybe I would some day finally be able to become a woman and that I would finally be happy, but I realize that it won't happen. I am transgendered and for 7 years I have known something was wrong. Then bout 3 years ago I finally piece it all together and found out that I am actually a female in a male's body. Nothing matters though because I will never achieve any sembalance of happiness. I am in a dead end job as a dishwasher at Old Chicago. I am failing college and racking up massive debt. I can't afford my rent and have to have a person I don't even like lend me money which he will probably charge interest on. I have been evicted right when I turned 18 so that will appear on my credit soon. I can't even think correctly. With all my anxiety issues, severe OCD, depression, paranoia, and sometimes near schizophrenic symptoms I can't make sense of reality sometimes. If I freak out I illusion and see talking doors, breathing walls, and squirrels with cameras. I know that everyone is out to torture me, but if I kill myself then I don't give them the pleasure of killing me. Not to mention that I am slowly being alienated by my friends and my family is fucked to shit. My dad is a paranoid schizophrenic drug addict who lives in an apartment complex for the mentally ill, my mom is always depressed and stressed and suffers from severe body dysmorphia, and my sister has severe anxiety and social phobia and won't leave her room. Nothing is going right. I haven't progressed at all in the 18.5 years I have been alive. I was driving today and I needed gas and I can only afford two dollars worth. That's it. Two dollars. I can't even fix something as basic as my gender and I'm fucking trapped in an alien body that isn't mine. It's all fucked and I am sick of it all. I stopped caring if people think I am self-centered and full of self-pity because you know what, I am. I am a piece of shit who will never go anywhere and just sits around and complains and whines all day, but if I kill myself, as I am very very serious this time, then no one will have to deal with me and I will no longer think. I will simply be erased from existence. The sweet embrace of oblivion. I am just thinking of the proper method and I want to do it soon. Anyone with quick, easy, and relatively painless ideas? The only ones I have are things involving me in a lot of horrid pain and slow.