I am divorced from my ex for 6 years. We would have been married for 35 years yesterday. I was sad but determined to get through the day without crying until he sent me a note saying that he remembered the day and the good times and wished me well. That sent me into a tailspin and I cried again at work (no one noticed Thank God). Then he talked to my daughter regretting the circumstances that drove us apart - he didn't cheat we just grew apart with different interests. She came to me to see how I was doing and the tears opened up again. I wish I didn't have depression and bipolar. I wish I didn't break up the marriage by writing in my journal that I wished to be separated - he read my journal. I wish I could change back the clock and repair the damage before it happened. I wish I wish I wish life wasn't so depressing. All I know is that I would give anything to be with him again. I know that he is hurting and wish to hold him and tell him that I am so sorry I wrote those things. Maybe it's for the best. I wouldn't have wanted to deal with me either before the meds kicked in. Sometimes I want to punish myself by killing myself but that won't help anyone. I'm just so sad. They say divorce is like death, a death of hopes and a life together. Sure hard when the anniversary date comes around each year and see couples profess their love to one another on FB and we're not together at all. I don't know why I had to post this. I have to get it out somehow. If my friend from afar wasn't visiting on Saturday I would go see my therapist but my friend is coming and this will be the first time in many months that I will see my friend. I haven't see my therapist in 6 months. I'm rambling now.