36yo m looking for just a couple more days

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by UnknownOrlando, Dec 21, 2013.

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  1. UnknownOrlando

    UnknownOrlando New Member

    Like I said, I am a 36yo father of two. One is 9 and the other two. I promised my wife I'd hang in until Christmas was over, but today is...

    I was diagnosed back in 2000, during my first hospital stay. I grew up in a home with an alcoholic and drug addict. This layer the groundwork for the depression/anxiety. By middle school, I was hit by a car and left by the person. This starts the PTSD. High school I had 3 knee surgeries and was bullied daily. I skipped school as much as possible. Tenth grade cutting starts, self injury starts prior at unknown time. Freshman college, attacked by multiple people struck in head with brick, local news covers story. Significant PTSD symptoms become noticeable along with neurological issues from head injury. 2000 have first significant break end up in hospital. April 26, 2001 about 11pm attacked at work. Beating caught on tap, ends as I end up limp on ground. Severe PTSD symptoms become disruptive. New neurological issues emerge including seizures, migraines and tremors. 2008 significant injury during "routine" hospitalization. Permanent damage to both wrists, 4 surgeries to date for wrists. Hyper vigilance becomes norm, isolation takes over.

    Chronic pain leads to attempt 2010.

    2013 online work begins to dry up after back to back hospitalizations. Still not unemployed, technically, but no work in months. November w/ lapse in insurance off most meds. Scraping by on pieces of sleep meds supplemented with over counter options.

    Summery: 6 knee surgeries, 4 wrist, and one nose (from work attack).
    Off meds
    Sleeping wherever
    Bankrupt from medical bills

    Need to make it until Thursday for kids.

  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Do you have any support from your wife or family with what you've been through? Is there anyone trying to help you get through this?
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You get through by taking it one day at a time and by holding onto your children and knowing their love their love is more then enough ok
    Do not pass on your pain hun you leave them you know it will harm them and they will not get over it as i did not get over it ok
    you go to doctor and tell doc you need help NOW so you do not do anything that will take you away from the ones that love you and need you
  4. UnknownOrlando

    UnknownOrlando New Member

    My wife is, but with the kids, family and holiday things she is being pulled in too many directions.
  5. UnknownOrlando

    UnknownOrlando New Member

    Did make another day, just a few more. Need to make better choices.
  6. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I'm glad you made it through another day, but I hope you can continue to hold on. Whether you realize this or not, your kids need you. Losing you would shatter their world in a way that could never be fixed.
  7. ronnymarie

    ronnymarie Guest

    You sound like you have been overwhelmed with things that have happened to you. I think we can just have a complete burnout at times, and the feeling takes over that it is just to hard to continue.

    But I also believe that we can get through that, and be at a better place with the proper help. Please get whatever it takes to keep you hanging on. Your wife and kids need you. Don't leave them with the pain of your death, and the guilt of wishing they could have done more. Do whatever it takes, including calling a hotline or being hospitalized. One more Christmas is not enough, shoot for next years as well.
  8. UnknownOrlando

    UnknownOrlando New Member

    Thank you for all the help. The last two days have helped clear my head. Everyone is out doing Christmas things today and I finally get to rest. Merry Christmas!
  9. demuredawn

    demuredawn Well-Known Member

    Honestly, it won't matter what day you do it....if you do it at all, you will hurt your kids and your wife. You sound like you need to get help..... as in a psychiatrist, counselor, possible hospital stay..... eh, maybe I shouldn't be saying this, I don't know... but I guess what it comes down to, to me.... you sound like you don't want to hurt the people you care for but yet think that somehow waiting til after Christmas will nullify all their pain.. it won't.... if you relly want to not hurt them, you need to get yourself some help.
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