Like I said, I am a 36yo father of two. One is 9 and the other two. I promised my wife I'd hang in until Christmas was over, but today is... I was diagnosed back in 2000, during my first hospital stay. I grew up in a home with an alcoholic and drug addict. This layer the groundwork for the depression/anxiety. By middle school, I was hit by a car and left by the person. This starts the PTSD. High school I had 3 knee surgeries and was bullied daily. I skipped school as much as possible. Tenth grade cutting starts, self injury starts prior at unknown time. Freshman college, attacked by multiple people struck in head with brick, local news covers story. Significant PTSD symptoms become noticeable along with neurological issues from head injury. 2000 have first significant break end up in hospital. April 26, 2001 about 11pm attacked at work. Beating caught on tap, ends as I end up limp on ground. Severe PTSD symptoms become disruptive. New neurological issues emerge including seizures, migraines and tremors. 2008 significant injury during "routine" hospitalization. Permanent damage to both wrists, 4 surgeries to date for wrists. Hyper vigilance becomes norm, isolation takes over. Chronic pain leads to attempt 2010. 2013 online work begins to dry up after back to back hospitalizations. Still not unemployed, technically, but no work in months. November w/ lapse in insurance off most meds. Scraping by on pieces of sleep meds supplemented with over counter options. Summery: 6 knee surgeries, 4 wrist, and one nose (from work attack). Off meds Sleeping wherever Unemployed Bankrupt from medical bills Need to make it until Thursday for kids. HOW?