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Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by sherry, Aug 21, 2008.

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  1. sherry

    sherry Guest

    I'm dissociating. I'm scared. I have been in a semi dissociated state for a week now, and it's getting worse. Bad things happen when I'm dissociated.

    My brain wants to kill me, but I don't want to die. I'm scared.
  2. Nyu

    Nyu Well-Known Member


    ive been the same for the past few weeks too hun. If you need anything, feel free to pm me. im not sure how much of a help i can be, but i can listen, and i know how it is.
  3. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Have you taken any drugs or is this happening randomly? Also, what do you mean by 'bad things happen when I'm dissociated?' I guess it would be a bad idea to try and drive while in a dissociated state.
  4. sherry

    sherry Guest

    I don't take drugs and I'm not on any meds. It happens when I'm feeling very low, it just takes over. When I dissociate it's when I do very dangerous things to myself, like try to uct off my arm, OD heftily, things like that. I, as a person, don't want to do them, but I don't have any control and I'm not always aware of doing it, I just 'come round' and find I have done it. I'm fighting so hard because I don't want to do anything to myself, but I don't always have a choice. I can't fight much more.

    Thanks for the replies.

    I'm so tired of fighting, and very very scared of what I can do to myself.
  5. .......

    ....... Guest

    Do a search on 'grounding techniques.'

    I don't want to let you know my methods because people will have different ways of coping.

    But concentrate on your 5 senses, touch, taste, sight, sound, smell.

    I've had to struggle with this for over 6 weeks and it's taken a lot of work to stop me from drifting to the place you're talking about.

    You're coping with your low feeling the only way you know how :hug: If you ever feel ready, it might be good to deal with that low feeling and look at it- and maybe let it out somehow (screaming has helped me) rather than blocking the pain through dissociating (I know what you mean about it feeling out of control). You're at a place where there is some control though, like you mention, so this is the time to really look into grounding techniques and try very hard to get yourself not blacking out or losing time too much because like you say, that's dangerous.
  6. sherry

    sherry Guest

    Thanks for the reply. I have done a lot of grounding and tried a variety of different methods, and it doesn't particularly help. But even if it did, I couldn't do it 27/4 until things eased, although I do get what you are saying and appreciate the reply.

    I probably need to be in hospital, but the last time I called the Crisis Team they helped me along the dissociation path and I ended up losing time, ODing and then woke up in a hospital bed not remembering much at all.

    I'm stuck just floating.

    I'm just scared, that's all.

    Thank you for the thoughtful reply.
  7. ..........

    .......... Guest

    I completely understand. I can't do it 24/7 either, it's fighting a losing battle a lot of the time. And I know what you mean about the Crisis Team.

    I do hope you get through this without hurting yourself as I know how scary this all can be. :hug:
  8. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    This sounds very serious to me. It sounds as if someone or something else is causing you to do this to yourself, like multiple personality disorder or possibly a demonic spirit. What you have to do, is try very hard to stay focused in the present and not let your mind wander into a semi-conscious state.
  9. sherry

    sherry Guest

    Thanks .......... (I think I got the right number). It helps to know I'm not the only one who struggles with this, BUT the other side of the coin is that it sucks you are struggling so much because I know how vile it feels.

    Dave, I have to confess I laughed at the demonic spirit thing, it's definitely not that (it was either laugh or find it extremely offensive). It's also not DID (the new name for MPD). It is dissociation, but not that extreme. It is part of my mental health problems and it's what my brain does when things are too difficult, it just takes over. It's horrible, and scary, but, as of yet, I have no ways to deal with it effectively, and no professional help to help me with it.

    Thank you for your replies.
  10. Melmoth the Wanderer

    Melmoth the Wanderer Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry you're having a difficult time right now. I'm glad you found SF, though. :hug:

    I'm usually in a state of mild dissociation (depersonalization/derealization, whatever one wants to call it), and I have been for as long as I can remember. Strangely, it's the brief, sporatic moments of reality that bother me the most, because I can't hold onto them. I've learned that letting them pass by is the best thing, but it still hurts.

    I realize your experiences are more severe, but I wanted you to know you're not alone.

    Here's a website I found about a woman's personal experiences with dissociation. She has some coping strategies listed as well.


    I hope you stay safe and out of harms way. :hug:
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