Hello. I don't know if I need a "right of passage" or something to begin venting, but here goes nothing. On the outside, I'm your average little fifteen-year-old boy: my parents give me most of what I want (within reason), I have a loving family, I'm a little weird due to the attire I choose (skinny jeans, band t-shirts, etc.) in my town, at least. I have easy access to things that I'm not supposed to have (if you know what I mean), but it all just isn't enough. On the inside, my heart probably looks like it has been torn to shreds. I've had five girlfriends in my whole life. I have never broken up with anyone in my life. Out of those five, two have broken my heart so badly, I had to be temporarily institutionalized for an evaluation for mental illness. I'm bisexual, and am in love with a member of the same sex who can never return those feelings. Obviously, I'm implying that he's straight. He's two years older than me, and, somehow, he figured out who I am. I began sending anonymous letters to him around a month ago. They were typed, so I don't know how he discovered my identity. At the age of thirteen years old, I became a victim of rape. The person who did that to me was two years older than me and female. I've been self-harming ever since. Because of what she did to me, masochism, I've found, is the only way I can achieve sexual arousal. I have never been on any prescribed medication other than antibiotics for strep throat and Concerta for ADD. My parents made me quit taking it, though, because they don't believe in the use of drugs to better one's self. It really helped my grades, though. I talked with them about me getting put back on it, but, just like with anything else, they give me a list of expectations to reach before they let me do something that will actually help me. Anyway, that's my rant for tonight. I'm very tired, and will probably write more tomorrow. For those reading, please don't take offense to this, but I don't like it when people try to give me advice. It's not that I'm arrogant, it just makes me feel bad for some reason. I encourage opinions, though. I'll see you all tomorrow.