4 Days to go : Chapter 4

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Dark_chocolate, Mar 21, 2007.

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  1. Chapter 4 : After reaching out for help

    After reaching out and being ignored, everything changed, the first days I felt so much anger and disappointment, then every little thing around me started to fall apart, from personal to professional issues, it was like life was leading me to the darkest pit, where hope fades, where no one can hear you where no one sees you and slowly you become a memory

    I know now I am a memory, they all loved the Enrique who was fun, active, smiling and laughing all the time, but when they saw the Enrique who was depressed, they chose to stay clear from him. They didnt want to hear about my feelings, how depressed I was, They didnt want to lend their shoulders for me to cry, they didnt want me to interrupt their lives with my sadness

    Slowly day after day I was sinking deeper into the pit, then I found myself somewhere else, I realised I was somewhere else, I was in a place where there are no feelings, no pain, no anger, no disappointment ....it is a place where you realise your soul has been broken so bad that you cannot feel anymore

    I wish she knew how close I am to the edge, I wish she knew soon I will close my door forever
     
  2. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Keep holding on Enrique. I know things are very difficult for you right now. The depression makes them seem even worse. Can you remember the Enrique you say your friends loved? If so, then you have a place to be when things get so bad. Put yourself in one of the good memories. Remember how it felt and know that it can someday return to this. So many people don't understand the throes of depression and choose to abandon or run from it so they don't "catch it". If only they knew that perhaps a little understanding on their parts and maybe it would not sink to the level of hopelessness. You are in my thoughts. Take care. :hug:
     
  3. Zueri

    Zueri Well-Known Member

    Enrique - In your depression and sorrow, you simply became "different." Your friends and acquaintances did not know how to react to you. They were probably scared of "saying the wrong thing." Chances are they have never experienced such a crushing loss. They do not know how to relate.
    Instead of helping you, they chose to ignore you. Of course they did not want to listen to how you felt...Such people are extremely rare. True friends are hard to find.

    I don't want to start throwing cliches at you, but "when you're going through hell, keep going." While the pain will never fully go away, it will lessen. It's like a scar; it will always be there, but it will become less pronounced with time.
    When you manage to rise above it, you will be a stronger person.

    If you want to talk, you know my MSN. :hug:
     
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