4 long years ruined

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by asqy, Mar 14, 2012.

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  1. asqy

    asqy Well-Known Member

    After not cutting for 4 years, I finally gave in tonight. I keep telling myself that 1 cut won't make a difference, but of course, that 1 turned into 2. i guess i should be thankful that it didn't go to 3 but i can't help but be upset and disappointed in myself. not only disappointed that i cut, but also disappointed that i let my emotions get that out of hand. that i let my feelings of anger, hate, and frustration control me to the point that i went back to destroying myself.

    Once i did, everything I felt just washed away, and I didn't feel anything anymore. It was so wonderful. My problems just disappeared, and i feel like i can finally relax tonight.

    i wish i didn't but now all i want is more...
     
  2. PainIsLife

    PainIsLife Member

    I know what you mean. Once I started I got addicted because I felt free afterwards and it gave me a way to escape. Strangely enough, one night I didn't feel the desire anymore and I stopped for a while, but it always comes back to haunt me since I started.
     
  3. hellz_bellz

    hellz_bellz Member

    I haven't self harmed in 4 1/2 years and everyday for the last year I have got just a little bit closer and for the first time I've realised that I will do it again I'm just not sure when. I know this might be a silly question and I'm not asking you to tell me to do it or not to do it but what was it like? Do you regret it? Was it even better than before or did it make you feel unbearably guilty?
     
  4. PainIsLife

    PainIsLife Member

    From my experience, although I only lasted a couple of months, I felt some regret afterwards because I knew that once I started again it would get progressively worse. And it has, I went from a few small scratches to my arms being covered in slashes. But yeah, it does feel better than before.
     
  5. letty

    letty Banned Member

    i was cut free for a long time myself, but started up again this last month or two, i felt regret but then i also felt control, less tension, i wish i didny start all over again because now i cant stop. and people are questioning me now.
     
  6. asqy

    asqy Well-Known Member

    I wish I didn't start again because now it's all I want. I completely regret it. Now I am afraid to do the things I love. I'm scared to go outside with shorts on because I don't want my family to see my leg. I don't want to go to the gym with my friend because I don't want be changing in the locker room and have her asking what happened to my leg.

    Grrr. It's terrible! Why do the things that are bad for you feel so good?
     
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