4 months on (Overdose)

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by Lestat, Mar 28, 2008.

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  1. Lestat

    Lestat Well-Known Member

    Hi, Around 4 months ago I took my overdose. I do not regret trying but as I failed I regret what I did.

    My back and arm have never been the same since. when i took the overdose i went into a fit and my arm came out the socket... Since then it comes out from time to time and is one of the worst pains I have felt. My back still hurts 24/7 but not as bad as it did... The pain for about a week was enough to put me off trying again.

    I just wanted you all to know that if you do fail its not like it was before... You have to live with the things that happened to you... And you will regret everything and be so scared to try again.
  2. lostpuppet

    lostpuppet Member

    I know how you feel. I'm now slightly retareded and suffering from a bit of brain damage after my attempt. Before then my life wasn't really that bad at all, but now I'm depressed quite a lot because I've screwed up my future and every day is a struggle for me. suicide seemed like a good idea at the time, but I hadn't really thought much that there might be a chance that I'd survive.
  3. Ardo85

    Ardo85 Active Member

    Yes. I tried an overdose a few years ago but luckily I was able to get to the emergency room quickly when I realized it was a rash decision and the fear of being worse off than I already was had I incurred brain damage or anything. Every suicide plan I've thought of holds a high probability of a botched attempt leading to potential permanent damage. Sometimes in my states of deepest depression I think this fear is the only thing thats keeping me alive. If only there was an instant, painless, and surefire self destruct button I'd likely have done myself in long ago.
  4. hirondelle

    hirondelle Member

    I have tried to kill myself several times over the past two years. A sequence of life traumas caused me to dissociate and then try to kill myself. It has been like being possessed by a dark figure who lurks in my head and only comes out when I am tired or triggered or both. I am being treated by the mental health services and some voluntary agencies. It is taking a long time to get better but life is never the same once you have tried and survived. In some curious way you have crossed an invisible line and people treat you differently, life, once so familiar, now becomes strangely changed. In my case it has literally been chance events that have meant the difference between being here and being dead. Someone either found me or realised I was missing and sent the emergency services out looking for me.

    For a long time I wanted to be dead because the life you have to lead after the attempt/s is much harder than before in so many different ways. I still sit here in a house where I don't want to be, facing a life I don't want to lead. I am lucky in that I don't have any really bad damage except to be more traumatised, humiliated and ashamed of my behaviour, even though it happens when I am not in control of myself. I have become very isolated, I have lost my friends, i have problems with both legs since spending time in ITU, I now have an underactive thyroid that may or may not be the result of drug/CO overdoses.

    Seek help, and keep seeking help, find the people who can hear you, listen to you, validate your feelings and help you understand what is happening to you that makes the suicidal feelings occur. There is a brilliant residential respite centre in London called the Maytree, they are fantastic and can be a real help in beginning to make sense of what has happened to you, this can be the beginning of the way back.

    Suicidal feelings are normal responses to an emotional being that is overwhelmed by painful emotions. The way forward is to find out how to manage these feelings so that they don't destroy you.

    Good luck
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 31, 2008
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