4 years (possible trigger warning)

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by oldsoul_youngmind, Jul 4, 2015.

  1. oldsoul_youngmind

    oldsoul_youngmind New Member

    Where to begin, well first... im in love and have been since the moment she grabbed my hand. That was 4 years 8 months and 2 and a half weeks ago, time has been very important to me over that period in case you cant tell. So just a little over 2 weeks ago the love of my life left me. (Not married, not engaged) she said she was unhappy and wanted to work on herself so she wouldn't have to rely on others for happiness and decided a "break" would be best. I get that, what I dont get... is the fact she has been relying on others to do that exact thing. The worst part is she did this mostly over text and won't even give me the option to talk to her about everything in person like adults. I've pleaded with her to just talk to me and been rejected on everthing that wasn't pertaining to her or her feelings witch is understandable because she's hurt but damn I am too and I just want things to work out. She says she still loves me she says she wants things to work out also, but everytime I pour my heart out I don't even get a reply. Now given all of this you guys don't know our history, and to be frank I really just don't feel like typing all that, even though it would make a few aspects pertaining to our relationship a little more vivid. As of now, I haven't contacted her in 24 hrs. Im sure none of you view that as an accomplishment, but its a small victory for me even though it's one of the hardest things I've done. Now let me tell you why, when she came into my life, I was very depressed I literally only had 1 (what i consider) friend who treats me like crap but is still here and thats more than I can say about everyone else in my life. And then she came along. After a few months of conversation and casual dates I invited her over. (At this point i had given up on mostly everything and already planned my journey to the other side and had gathered needed supplies) the day before she came over I had gotten into a very intense and heated argument with my mom (sorry no details on that) and decided i'd carry through with my attempt... the friend I told you about had no idea and was staying over that night and we were having a small get together just to take my mind off things, despite everything that happened with my mom earlier. (It was very very shitty of me not to tell him) but I just couldn't take it anymore. So after everyone left besides my friend who was passed out and couldn't drive I proceeded with my plan, mind you this get together carried well over into the next day and it completely slipped my mind that I was supposed to hang out with her, so id say about 230pm, was when I set my plan in motion (very thought out od so I could slip away in my sleep) well... I would have succeeded if it weren't for her showing up at about 330.(agin sorry no details) Only her and my friend know about what happend, so basically She cared about me AND for me she made me FEEL loved and thats a very hard thing to do hell she made me just feel everything except for my depression she made me feel cared for, and in return all I wanted to do was the same. Hell still do, but now she won't even give me a straight forward explanation as to why she is doing all of this I love her and while I was with her I had a dramatic decrease in my "thoughts" I lost my sister earlier this year to suicide and with my loved one by my side I didn't once think about following in my big sisters foot steps but these past two weeks have sparked them right back back up, this past Tuesday was my sisters birthday and the friend I told you about is dating my ex's best friend. So i really have no one to turn to, I feel everyone's turned their backs on me in my time of need when they know if the roles we're switched id at the very least do what was in my power to make them happier because this feeling, this feeling of dread, lament, despair, what have you! No one should ever have to feel, and I know it all too well. Im at the end of my rope literally I have very little hope for anything as of right now and my thoughts are back ten fold and it's ripping my heart to shreds because 1 she either still cares or 2 she doesn't at all and i dont know whats worse.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 4, 2015
  2. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Welcome to the forum. I am truly sorry to hear that you suffering but be strong my friend. Keep posting here as you truly deserve to live. Relationships can be brilliant or toxic in some cases. You have nearly five years with a person who was own crystal ball in your heart but it has been smashed in to pieces. You are in pieces at the moment and dealing with situation seems to be harder to deal with on a hour by hour basis.

    I am sorry to hear that you tried an attempt but please remember the ones who truly understand what you are going through are the ones who dealt with similar situations. Firstly, you need to seek medical advice and get some medication to help you through current low point of your life. You should start to seek group therapy where others have similar experiences and help each other getting through a day. You have nothing to be ashamed off as you crying out for help.

    If your girlfriend does not understand what you are going through, then it may be worth telling her that you care but you need time to get your head and feelings straight If she is understanding, then she will wait and respect your choice. Just tell her you need to time to overcome the shock. She must realise that she is losing a person who really cared about her. Dealing with such shock is going to take time to recover. It's not going to happen overnight but day by day.

    Take the virtual hand we offer and let us help YOU. I know you are hurting but be strong. If want to relief the stress and physical hurt, then use ice cubes or an elastic bands to help you as alternatives.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 5, 2015