Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by ~Claire, Jan 27, 2009.

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  1. ~Claire

    ~Claire Well-Known Member

    I asked to be put on leave again but it's not been done yet. I dunno if that's a good or bad thing.

    I can't offer any support to people so I shouldn't be here, it's not fair on anyone. I feel guilty about posting because I don't deserve anything, I am a worthless failure.

    Tomorrow will be 'it' for me. If I could get away with it tonight then I would. I have felt bad before but never this bad. I have lost control & I can't get it back. My mind is working overtime & here is the only place I can vent. I don't think I'll be sleeping much tonight, I can't relax at all.

    I wish I could be strong enough to fight this, maybe once I was but it's all gone now. I'm dead inside already, my body is just a shell.
  2. Synesthetic Soul

    Synesthetic Soul Well-Known Member

    That's not true, you are not worthless. Just because you feel you can't give support doesn't mean you don't deserve to be here. Sometimes we're too down to help others. That's where the rest of us come in. We give you the support and love you need. Then, when you feel better, you return that love to others.

    I know it seems hopeless, like there's nothing left. But as long as you're alive there's hope for things to get better! There's a chance at you getting and feeling better. :hug:

    Try to find a doctor, tell him/her how you feel. Tell them you're thinking of hurting yourself and that you need help. But please don't give up. We will miss you if you leave us forever. Please!
  3. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Please don't go Claire. You need help hun. Please stay here and keep talking to us. Stay safe hun. :hug:
  4. mdmefontaine

    mdmefontaine Antiquities Friend

    please don't give up. i am soooooooooooooo hopeless. tonight i just lost my wholelife.my hearts desire.
    am praying,pleading,f or a heart attack.sroke. anything. God,IF you are there,take me please.

    things have GOT to be better for you than for me.... got to.
  5. ~Claire

    ~Claire Well-Known Member

    I nearly phoned my GP, contemplated it last night & this morning.

    But then I know they'll just send me off to the hospital to speak to the on call pdoc & I've been there already this week with no help so I can't imagine it'll help anymore this time around. I had an appt today at the hospital to get an ecg so I could have easily requested the on call pdoc myself but my anxiety is just way too much & I never even made it out the door. Plus I figured there is no point in getting an ecg when I don't plan on being here for the results.

    I have an appt with a pdoc tomorrow morning & I'd like to say that I'll make the appt but in reality I don't think I can survive another night like last night. I feel like my skin is too small for my body iykwim. Sometimes at least when I'm typing it doesn't feel just as bad. My plan is still to kill myself tonight but I don't know how feasible that is anymore as my nephew may be staying the night.
  6. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Claire,
    I am sorry you are in such a state. I know I have let you down because you have always answered my threads with support. I want you to know that I am here now. I want to offer you that support!! You make more of a difference here than you think. In my eyes you are alot like Sweetheart. You care about people and that is a positive thing!!! If there is anything you need just ask. If you think you will have another rough night tell me and I will stay up with you. Please don't harm yourself. There are those here who do care about you!!! I'm sure there are some who haven't come across your thread yet. Take Care and I am here for you!!~Joseph~
  7. Mandy1

    Mandy1 Antiquities Friend & Senior Member

    Please dont do anything to harm yourself,i no how you feel i was there last night,go to your docs make them listen and do all you can,to get the help that you need.I no we havent spoken before but im allways here if you want to chat,i see alot of myself in what you are saying and id like to help if i can,please dont give up right now there is help out there and here at sf.please take care.
  8. ~Claire

    ~Claire Well-Known Member

    Thanks everyone, I really do appreciate this :grouphug:

    I managed to get some sleep earlier which has made me feel slightly better, now I am wide awake. My psych appt is in 7 & a half hours so I'll make it, I just don't have a clue what to say to him, no doubt my cpn & the on call pdoc at casualty have already spoken to him though.

    I was meant to be dead by now but I have to laugh...I told my fiance I had stomach flu, now he is saying he has caught the bug from me so he wasn't at work either & there went my chance to kill myself. How the hell can he catch gastroenteritis from me when I don't even have it in the 1st place :unsure:?

    Ah well, what's done is done I guess, just need to see what the morning brings. I am eternally grateful for all your replies & I promise I will try to reply to more posts from now on.

    Take care everyone, Claire xx

    ((Joseph)) - You have not let me down at all, I will PM you :hug:
  9. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    I'm glad that you're ok Claire. Maybe your husband just feels a little sick from something he ate? But maybe it was for the best so that he could help keep you safe. :hug:
  10. ~Claire

    ~Claire Well-Known Member

    :argh: :furious:

    That psychiatrist was a complete D!CK. I was honestly going to swing for him, I have never been so angry in my life :furious:

    I was in there 20 mins max, maybe even less. A monkey could have helped me more :furious:

    He said he was going to refer me to psychology & get me a cpn...I was like check your notes I have them already! To which he says 'are you still waiting on an appt?' No you bloody fool I've been seeing them for years.

    He asked how I was feeling, to which I said crap & I wanted to die. That's just the depression talking he says, have these new meds (still on daily dispense may I add) & then come back & see me!!! Not f*cking likely!

    And that's where the session ended! He says he can't help if I'm not willing to talk but every time I opened my mouth he cut me off with some stupid remark. I already phoned my cpn to rant but she wasn't in, so I'm still mad & wanting to go back & punch him!
  11. kenny

    kenny Well-Known Member

    Hey Claire. sorry it went so badly. your psychiatrist does indeed seem like a bit of a "F*ck Nugget".

    Usually when I go to my doctors I get seen by a different one each time, so I just ask them if they've read my notes and glare at them until they have. Fortunately I'm being seen by a good psycholgist, but it's taken 6 months to get me to this point.

    If you ever need to rant, please give me a shout.
  12. Leiaha

    Leiaha Well-Known Member

    Hmmm, never met a GOOD psychiatrist :dry:
    my last one was a b**ch of the first order!

    sorry you feel so bad Claire :hug: have you tried cbt? just an idea :)

    You are excellent at helping and supporting others and I'm not the only one to say this. You have supported me and like others I now want to support you :arms: If you need me just pm me and i'll be there :biggrin:

    Lea :hug:
  13. ~Claire

    ~Claire Well-Known Member

    Thanks Kenny & Lea,

    I feel my anxiety rising again & I can't control it. I'm supposed to be starting back work tomorrow but I don't think I can handle it. I can't get a drs appt till Monday though.

    Ho hum :whistling: I'm just going to have to either phone in the morning for an emergency appt or bite the bullet & go to work.
  14. porcelain child

    porcelain child Well-Known Member

    How are things today?
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