I asked to be put on leave again but it's not been done yet. I dunno if that's a good or bad thing. I can't offer any support to people so I shouldn't be here, it's not fair on anyone. I feel guilty about posting because I don't deserve anything, I am a worthless failure. Tomorrow will be 'it' for me. If I could get away with it tonight then I would. I have felt bad before but never this bad. I have lost control & I can't get it back. My mind is working overtime & here is the only place I can vent. I don't think I'll be sleeping much tonight, I can't relax at all. I wish I could be strong enough to fight this, maybe once I was but it's all gone now. I'm dead inside already, my body is just a shell.