Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by emilly, Feb 12, 2009.

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  1. emilly

    emilly Member

    i really am better of gone. im just miserable and spreading it everywhere making everyone around me sad
  2. lost43215

    lost43215 Well-Known Member


    Howso? How are u making others miserable?
  3. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    hey. I think you're in the right place. Stay here for a while. We'll try and cheer ya up.
    :hug: :welcome:
  4. emilly

    emilly Member

    ive struggled to become HUMAN and have a normal life, get a job, complete college just becuase i cant. i find it so hard feeling like im worth something. im 21 and my family feel sorry for me and worry. lastweek i had an abortion ontop of everything :(
  5. Epical Taylz

    Epical Taylz Well-Known Member

    :hug: im sorry that youve been through such a tough time.
    welcome to the forum, we'll try helping you out the best we can.
  6. lost43215

    lost43215 Well-Known Member

    :hug: Sorry to hear things arent going well for you. It's great tho that you have a very caring family that loves you and you could goto. Do you have many friends that are like that too?

    What kinds of problems are you having? are they social, physical, etc? What do you want out of life? Also, what do u mean complete college just because you cant?
  7. lettinGo

    lettinGo Well-Known Member

    you are human and you're worth something. dont look down of yourself. maybe you just havent sound that 'something' that makes you happy?

    and yes, stay here for a while. everyone can prolly help you out :smile:
  8. mdmefontaine

    mdmefontaine Antiquities Friend

    hi. i am so sorry you are going through a hard time. i am really glad you reached out to us, here. there are so many great people here - they have saved me - when nothing else was working.

    now. please try to understand that you are not ''''making everyone miserable''' - ok? everyone - each of us - we are responsible for how we feel - and that means those around you are equally responsible. don't take that blame and guilt on your shoulders, you can't carry it and should not have to. it's a lie.

    the other stuff you have going on, well, that's heavy stuff. what you have been through. do you have someone to talk to ie; a counselor? there are likely some hormonal issues, as well as psychological/emotional issues all combined. . . please explore this.....and please also, feel free to pm us here, anyone, or post your feelings. . . . we all care. and we all understand. hugs to you xxx
  9. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    I am so sorry things are so rough for you right now, but you are not responsible for how others feel...often ppl do not know what to express when we are feeling so low, so they say things that seem to put more pressure on us...but we are ultimately in charge of helping ppl relate to us, no matter how we are feeling...maybe telling ppl that hearing they are sad when you are feeling that this is quite caring, but also very difficult to hear...big hugs, J
  10. emilly

    emilly Member

    thank you, you're all so nice.

    i think i'll start from the beginning. sorry if its long

    growing up my dad drank alot. me my older brother and sister and mum were constantly scared. i think i mustve carried this everywhere with me, to school where i was painfully shy. i remember not being able to answer for myself that other children would have to for me. dad cheated on mum when i was 11, he lived with us for another 5 years going out and seeing more women while mum cooked his dinner and washed his clothes everyday drinking a bottle of wine everynight. we eventually got our own place while dad his own and they got a divorce. i was 18 at this time. i had struggled through school, attempting suicide at 17 in the school toilets. i felt so unhappy and lost. i didnt know who i was. i was enjoying school but it didnt feel right, felt like something bad had to happen as thats what im used to. after that i told the counseller at the hospital i was fine and it was just a silly cry for help, and i had permission to go home. not a word has been said about it by anyone to this day and i am almost 22. after that i dropped out fo school. for two years i sat at home. tried going for job interviews at little shops but i would end up a mess, panicking and crying before the interviews, family huffing and puffing thinking i was lazy. then my friend (i have about 2 close ones) took me to a festival for my 20th. i drank allot and ended up having a panic attack and wondered off to the A&E tent where i todl them i wanted to kill myself. they took me in an ambulance to the nearest hospital where i had to speak to people. they told my doctor and my doctor gave me antidepressants and referred me to a counselor who ive been seeing ever since. i met a guy, 22, on a music messegeboard, we chatted for the whole summer every day over skype. i told him everything. he helped me get the confidence to apply for a course at a university. i was accepted i was so nervous the first day i was in tears sitting outside. i soon fell into old habits, feeling like i couldn't do it. he finally came to visit me, i told my family i had met him where my friend works when he was traveling. he actually had never been on a plane his whole life. i was perfect i fell inlove and we really card about each other. he left to go back to the US and i fell pregnant. i had an abortion and i haven't been going into classes because i cant face anything. i feel like im right at the start. counseling isn't helping, i only go because i feel like im a let down for my counselor if i dont go, its stupid. mum will do anything for me to be safe and comfy, shielding me away from the world. she'll tell me its okay if i dont want to leave the house and shell give me a hug. dad will push me by shouting and telling me to get off my fat arse. two completely different things. my sister is so good to me, when i'm really low she'll buy me little things and talk to me and boost me up. but its like i dont feel liek a human, someones opionion is far better than mine. a dead person has more worth than me. im always nervous and i have 0 confidence. i binge eat and starve myself, always thinking about food and my weight, always. ill get nervous waiting in a queue and people looking at me, taking notice of me. ill get positive one day and plan to excersie and eat well then the next ill be slumped in bed eating whatever i can

    ive ust come back from spending the day with my dad helping him with invoices for work and he always makes me feel positive and human becuase hes a great worker and stuff, although he can be abit harsh at times and gets stressy and shouts. mum doesnt work and is soft as a button. i hate ot say it but makes me feel useless as she does everything for me. also my brother is at uni, so its just me and mum at home, rotting.

    what shall i do? who should i turn to
  11. emilly

    emilly Member

    i doubt anyone is bothered or interested in reading that :'(
  12. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi Again...it sounds like working with your father was rewarding...can you go there some more? maybe he has some friends who also will need your help so you can schedule several days out of the house...and then, once you have started to get a schedule together, you can take on other things...I think the expression, "one day at a time" is very useful here as the momentum you get from going out will serve to give you more confidence to move forward...big hugs, J
  13. emilly

    emilly Member

    iv done it

    ive take =n them
  14. soliloquise

    soliloquise Well-Known Member

    please call 911/999 :(
  15. Leiaha

    Leiaha Well-Known Member

    Please let us know how you are :(
  16. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter


    I'm always here if you need someone to talk to :hug:
  17. lost43215

    lost43215 Well-Known Member

    I just read it because i just got back. It sounds like a really tough and conflicting situation at home. How far away is the university? Maybe u could live on a residence nearby? Have any friends from there? Just wondering cause u could find confidence and similar interests with them. Also, what is it u want to be when u finish?

    I hope your still alive too. I want to try and help you out :hug:
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