Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by possiblities, Feb 18, 2009.

  1. possiblities

    possiblities Member

    fuck it im so mad right now

    well for one thing i cant stand happy people STOP FUCKING SMILING fuck what makes your day so great dumb motherfuckers. in fact i just cant stand most people, including myself. and my thoughts become increasingly darker month by month day by day. ive only found one thing that can make me a stable, somewhat happy person and its a drug... i cant use this drug because im on court ordered testing and its killing me. but what really fucking gets me is that noone takes me seriously and they want to say that i shouldnt be fucking mad about being sick because it could be worse i could fucking have cancer or something... no shit it could always be worse if you had cancer what do they tell you? at least you dont have the plauge? i feel weak, mentally and physically weak. im tired of it all. i think ill just lay down for a while i have a day off of work tommorow but i know i wont do anything. im just a worthless piece of shit, taken hostage by my past, full of hate.
    worst of all i dont see any light, im sick of trying to convince myself it could be worse! of course it could!!! sure im not out on the street right now nowhere to sleep and hungry that would be worse! although sometimes i think i may as well be and i feel like im not far from that. how come there is no hope for anything better? only a fear of things become worse than they already are! ive given up shit and i find it strange that i even want to come here to this place and type