48 days

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by fading_dreams, Nov 8, 2006.

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  1. fading_dreams

    fading_dreams Well-Known Member

    i was trying to get to 50.... that's not such a big number right? but yesterday was day number 48, and i messed up big time... i .... well, i don' think i'm allowed to say what i did ehre, but it was slow and painful.... but it felt so good! and i wish that i hadn't done it, but at the same time, i'm not sure if i'm really sorry. but now i wish that i had had the strength to make it to 50.... i had several people and we were going to celebrate 50 days, but now... now i have to tell them, on day 49, that i did it again... that i hurt myself... and i don't know how the heck i'm going to do that... and how am i going to deal with their disappointment in me? wish that i could curl up in bed and never have to face them, but i have to go to school.
    fading_dreams
     
  2. kindtosnails

    kindtosnails Staff Alumni

    im sorry that you slipped but you have to think of it like that..its just a slip. 48 days is a massive acheivement. seriously. and tomorrow is a new day..it can be day 49. i know it doesnt feel like that but you can get back on track. also, dont feel so bad about it, think of all the times during those 48 days when you resisted it, it only makes you stronger so youre more likely to be able to next time. Just a few thoughts..but setting targets might not always be the best plan anyway, i know its good to have motivation but it affects you psychologically..maybe because you knew you were so close it was the pressure that did it. Also, i understand youre worried about letting people down or disappointing them but understand, this HAS to be for you. and no one else. or it just will not work. you dont need extra pressure. from anyone. take care.
     
  3. consciousinsane

    consciousinsane Well-Known Member

    CONGRATULATIONS ON 48 GREAT DAYS!! YOU SHOULD BE PROUD. :biggrin:
     
  4. BrokenPieces

    BrokenPieces Well-Known Member

    Congrats on making it 48 days...

    its tough, but are you trying to make it longer this time??? I hope you try being free from self harm again...

    i am thinking of you!!!!

    Love BP
     
  5. fading_dreams

    fading_dreams Well-Known Member

    i don't know if i should bother to try again. i mean, is there any way that i can make it? the longest that i've ever gone was like 75.... and that's.... i don't know,i mean, i would really like to just stop. but i don't know if that's possible.... so... i'm not sure.. it's just kind of depressing to think that i went from 48 days to 1....
    i mean, i'm not hurting myself now, my friend has all of my razors and crap, but.... i mean, i found a way to do it this time didn't i? who knows if her having my razors is going to make me stop or just make me more creative?

    fading_dreams
     
  6. kindtosnails

    kindtosnails Staff Alumni

    I think you need to stop worrying about stopping completely so much. 48 days is an amazing acheivement, and so what you slipped up, but you say youre not hurting yourself now. So what if you do another 48 days before you slip. I'm guessing it would still be an improvement than say how often you might normally do it. So what I'm trying to say, not very well, is that maybe its not as simple as just stopping and never doing it again, but if you can reduce it this much and go longer and longer periods without it, presumably it will get easier.

    As to the friend having your blades...while thats a good idea in some ways, it might as you say..make you more creative. I only say this because from time to time I've decided to throw everything out and just end up with several new ways of hurting myself so that now its even harder to stop. I hope you get my meaning with the 48 day thing..don't think it makes much sense...but just try not to think of each time you slip as back to square one, because its really not. And I have every faith in you that you can make it longer, you say you made it to 75 days, thats an incredible acheivement, you should be very proud and know that no one can ever take that away from you. Take care.
     
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