4th suicide atempt

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Limbobway, Feb 22, 2012.

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  1. Limbobway

    Limbobway Member

    so i am having a really bad month. i was in the navy and got an honorable discharge due to mental illness. i had 2 overdoses of meds while i was in the navy and one really big overdose of muscle relaxers just 2 years ago. i've been getting treated but i have been out of money for the last 2 months with no gas to get to my doctors and psyciatrists and am almost out of meds. i owe my landlord 2 months rent and my bank account is
    -$82 in the hole. i have been thinking about suicide just about 24/7 for the last 2 weeks and having alot of crying spells. i spent today trying to find some razor blades i know i have somewhere but i cant find them. i just dont know what to do and i have nobody to talk to.
  2. silex

    silex Member

    Talk here, man.
    Are there no ex-navy groups that would help you with the cost of your medication?
    Owing money is no reason to kill yourself.
    Sometimes it's trying to hold onto things that's harder on you than just letting things go.
    You're obviously a good guy, don't let being short of money push you over the edge.
  3. Limbobway

    Limbobway Member

    the medication doesnt cost anything, i get it through the VA, its getting down there to get it because my phone is off, i might be able to get it online i just thought of that.

    its not the owing money thing that is the problem, its that i cant handle stress at all and when things become too stressful i find myself like this and in some cases i do stupid things that put me in the hospital. and there is the whole not having a job and being completely out of food, i am eating grapefruits off the tree in our yard for food every day.

    its just really hard for me to deal with stress and i get to the point where i shut everyone out and am where i am right now and have nobody to talk to. i really need to see my doctors but i have no way to contact them or to get down to the VA
  4. Limbobway

    Limbobway Member

    there are groups down at the va for me but i suffer from anxiety as well so it makes it really hard to do anything like that, i was schedueled for some sessions with another doctor down there that was going to help me with my anxiety but that is when the place i was working at closed down and i couldnt get down there for my sessions.
  5. sihuskyzoi

    sihuskyzoi Well-Known Member

    I wonder if they VA has someone that can come to your home to do individual sessions. And/or what they offer via Skype. I know those are being used quite a bit in the Midwest right now. Do you have a casemanager at the VA that can help set you up?

    Thank you for your service. Please keep talking to us here. We appreciate you.
  6. Limbobway

    Limbobway Member

    i dont know, i've never asked about that. i know there is a site i've been on where they use that but i cant remember the site. they used to give me gas cards so i could make it to my appointments but stopped using those. i think the main thing i need is just to calm down and talking like this or to anyone helps me calm down. its mainly when i cant talk to anyone that i do stupid things. i made a safety plan last time i was in the hospital and this was one of the things on it so it really helps, thanks alot. thanks for the ideas too i will ask my doctor when i see him if they have something like skype sessions avaliable.
  7. rv498

    rv498 Well-Known Member

    How are u able to have an internet connection then? Are you accessing it at the library?
    I'm a vet and I have a social worker that comes to my place on a routine basis. U should seek that option.
    I was almost homeless but luckily I am not. Sometimes though I just wanna drop everything and become homeless because I am tired of struggling to get by and also old now. Everybody dies, might as well die homeless.
  8. Limbobway

    Limbobway Member

    thanks rv, i do have a social worker but she doesnt know about my current condition so i can talk to her when i can get into the va
  9. listless

    listless Banned Member

    Dying homeless is a terrible and sad way to go, plus it is not painless or quick. On the streets you die from exposure/the cold or from violence or starvation. You might hate yourself and your life, but at least respect yourself enough to have a decent, safe, quick and pain-free death. It's not a recommendation but it is something I would do.

    It really is sobering to read of other people's very real suffering on this forum. I visit it very rarely-whenever my mind turns to thoughts of suicide. I find as I get older I have less reason to live. I didn't realize how good I used to have it till now but all the things that could've made me happy and made my life feel fulfilling are long gone and the things that gave me a great advantage in life have disappeared too.

    I wasted my life looking for shortcuts out of the rat-race, fighting with people I had wanted to get away from (my family) yet I was dependent on them. Now entering my 40s I have little to show for all my efforts. I used to date very beautiful girls when I used to be more attractive, now I'm overweight, balding and old and attractive women don't notice me anymore-which is really difficult to accept because it was something I was used to and it helped me get dates-though I barely took advantage of my looks when I had them...I don't make a lot of money so I don't even have money to entice them...only my brains and personality.

    Plus I'm taking care of my old sick mother-if I was to go, she'd have a bad life living with one of my sisters who don't have the patience I do in dealing with her. That's one major reason I'm still around...plus that I've missed out on some things that I still want to experience before I go.

    But like some people here-I'm ready to go now even. I love life, but not this one-I wish I could come back and "do it right"...unfortunately we only get one shot at it, unless you believe in reincarnation. But then it doesn't even matter if life sucks-no point living it then.
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 23, 2012
  10. Limbobway

    Limbobway Member

    thanks for the replies, i am still having off and on struggles throughout the day but being able to talk in this forum helps calm me down enough to think rationally. hopefully the IRS return comes soon so i can have some money to get to the VA and get some help from my doctors asap. i wish i could get the help i need from family but i just never feel like they understand what i go through and i feel really uncomfortable talking to them about my problems.
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