5 years wasted on fake "friend".

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by feathers, Mar 5, 2011.

  1. feathers

    feathers Well-Known Member

    I have a friend called Daniel, who used to be an extreme social outcast. For the past 5 or so years I've tried my hardest to get him to come out with me and my friends, join in, socialize. It's been a difficult road but slowly I saw him start to get some confidence even if only a little. There'd been difficult points, like times when he decided to insult me. Ignore me for days on end without explanation. Call me a whore. Laugh at my miscarriage. Yet somehow I still tried because I figured, the guy is programmed that way. I know he doesn't mean it. It isn't his fault.

    Of course it has been difficult. I have my own issues as you all well know. Things hit hard, especially the miscarriage thing. He yells at me for not letting him forget it, but the miscarriage was only 2 months ago (two months today, actually...) so... it's impossible for me to forget the hurtful things that he said and sometimes they come back to me when things with the miscarriage get hard.

    Anyway, I'm deviating here. My point is, I did put my all in. Honestly, I did. I once remember saying, if I could halve my confidence, and give half to him, I would do it. 'Because he deserves it'.

    Yet, now, because of my mental illness getting worse over the past 7 months, he has decided that I'm not good enough for him. He has said things such as "I can honestly say I don't care anymore about the select few within the groups problems anymore. It's caused me nothing but grief for the last several months and I've had enough. I don't want to talk to them, I don't want to see them. I want to forget that the last 7 months even happened" and "Maybe with so much free time on my hands now I can concentrate on getting the best grades possible and making new friends that are actually stable enough to not fuck me over mentally."

    Am I wrong to feel... Well... Like I've just wasted 5 years of my life on someone who was just not worth my time at all? Like I've just been abandoned by an absolute fucking prick who found it funny to joke about things such as there being "just an arm" left of my baby in my womb when I went for my ultrasound?

    Am I wrong to wonder why I even called this guy a 'friend' to start with?

    Am I wrong to wish I could turn back the clock 5 years and just tell him to go and fuck himself?

    Kaz x
  2. Stormrider

    Stormrider Well-Known Member

    Maybe I can't relate so much on being pregnant cause i'm a man, but some things people shouldn't make (sick)jokes about. I'm sorry you had to go through that miscarriage.
    You're a great person if you've helped him as you have written in the post.
    If he walks out so easily from you then he doesn't even deserve you as a friend.
    Some people are only friends as long as it's convenient for them.Problem is we never know who is and who isn't going to be a real friend.
    Just try to respect yourself enough to not be used again and again by people who don't deserve it.
  3. NoMoneyToPlease

    NoMoneyToPlease Banned Member

    Sounds like a prick.

    He may have brain damage.Seriously.No joke.
  4. feathers

    feathers Well-Known Member

    He's also trying to get two of Matt93s friends to choose "me or him" basically. So I would imagine he's doing that about me too, since me and Matt are now effectively a couple.

    Thing is, we've known these friends for 7 months, just as long as he has. Apart from Matt, who has known one of them for 15 years. It's not the first time that he's tried to use emotional blackmail. He basically ignored Matt as a statement "go to the doctors and get help or I will not speak to you".

    We've also been smoking a little bit of weed recently and he did the same thing. Basically, stop smoking weed or I'm gone.

    He's desperate for control and I hope to friggin' God our friends don't give him it. Presumably they won't. Our friends are above succombing to that bullshit.
  5. feathers

    feathers Well-Known Member

    I'm getting more and more upset about this. He says he can't hang around with us because we are too mentally unstable for him to cope with. Fair enough. But finding out he's actually trying to turn our friends against us, and I've just found out it's more than just the two of them, is just plain enraging and upsetting.

    What he is doing is effectively Mental Health Discrimination. Because me and Matt have our problems, he is avoiding us and trying to get other people to avoid us because of it.

    This is DannyBoi on the forum actually and I wouldn't be surprised if he started trying to take the forum from us too.
  6. Viro

    Viro Well-Known Member

    You always have a place here.
  7. feathers

    feathers Well-Known Member

    Thanks, Adam.
  8. peacelovingguy

    peacelovingguy Well-Known Member

    ANY man who makes hurtful remarks to a women over a miscarriage need a smack in the teeth, in theory, as I'd not be advocating such a thing. Aunt of mine had a miscarriage over 20 years ago, child had a name also. I remember the birthday - and think of her as the purest of angels, unblemished by the material world and its imperfection.

    Your loss is something no man should ever denigrate - I don't know the pain as I've never been through it. I do have friends who have lost young children and know women who have had several miscarriages.

    Any man made those remarks around me would face a LOT of men who would be willing to teach him about pain. I find it hard to turn the other cheek on behalf of others.

    As for helping this man out - 5 years sounds about right to know someone - takes that long really. Now the cat is out of the bag so to speak - or rat in this instance.
  9. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    wow I'm so sorry this happened...it's not that he isn't a good person but he chooses to be bad...it's hard to let go...I'm the same type, I see good in everyone but the hardest lesson to learn is that not everyone WANTS to get better, to make it...you can take a horse to water but you can't force it to drink the water type thing...

    I wouldn't say you wasted 5 years of your life, I"m sure you learned some stuff and now I guess its time to turn the page..you deserve better than this kind of harsh treatment...he has no right to treat you that way...

    I"m sorry about your miscarriage, that is an awful experience to overcome especially so soon...that guy doesn't care about you...I'm sorry to be so blunt, I don't mean to hurt you but he's got to be dropped for your sake and your friend...:hug:
  10. doityourself

    doityourself Well-Known Member

    Its took me years to get past my miscarriage, dont let him bring you down for nothing that you had no control over.

    If hes making ignorant remarks about things like that then you should really rethink if hes the type of friend you want.

  11. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Drop his ass!! No woman should go thru this.. But to have someone make light of it is dispicable..If he's on the forum then put him on your ignore list and you won't have to put up with his shit..It's good that you have Matt 93 to lean on.. He sounds like a good friend..