i'm 50 yrs old and have been through the worst time of my life in the past to years. just when i thought it couldn't get an worse, it did.... to tell where it started and how it got so bad is a long story but it started with my first divorce and a really bad bought of depression several years ago. i fought back hard. had a relapse and fought back from that. up until now all i've had is panic attacks. but the last three days have left me in a very dark place with feelings of being worthless and not being sure i have to strength to face the road ahead. in the past two years everything i have worked for my entire life has been taken from me. first my health with the ups and downs of type 1 or type 2 diabetes, they can't really tell. then kidney stones. then i lost a court case and ended up with a judgement against me for court fees because i fought for my three children from my 1st divorce. that lead to bankruptcy and i still had to pay the judgement. this year i lost my job of 25 years due to downsizing. i figured i was going to end up loosing my home and my wife and two children from my second marriage would be out on the street. stress has been high with my wife but i made a huge mistake when we got into a shouting match on monday. i yelled at her and she called 911. i ended up being arrested, spent the night in the county jail and now am facing criminal charges of domestic battery. i never touched her, just yelled. i've never had any criminal problems or even a traffic ticket. now this. now my ex wife is going to fight to stop me from seeing my other 3 children all because of an accusation. i haven't been found guilty of anything yet. my current wife is going to divorce me and wants to see me go to jail. which might be a good thing because she is verbally abusive to me and all of my children. i'm really feeling like my life has just been sucked out of me. i guess i am just too nice and put up with things that i should have stopped long ago. i'm tired of feeling this way. feeling trapped. feeling hopeless. feeling alone and now potentially having everything taken away from me. i can't go through a nasty second divorce and i'm simply too old to start over. i don't have the motivation i did when i was in my 30's. i just want to go to bed and not wake up. close my eyes one last time, think of my kids and not wake up to tomorrow. i did call a therapist today and have an appointment tomorrow but i am even afraid to see them because if i so much as give a hit that i'm done with life, then the next fun stage will start of being admitted to the hospital. this gives even more ammo to my wife and my ex-wife to keep my kids away from me. so what do you do to get help? who do you talk to? i just feel this is a no win situation for me. all my life i've done right. helped others and now this is what i have. what a total waste my life has been. thanks reading this. i really don't know who else to turn to. everyone tells me i am a very good person but being treated like i am a guilty has me feeling there really isn't much left to hold on to..... i am in a very dark place now.