I don't know if any of you saw the thread in the uncertainity forum, but basically this is what's been going on... I currently have a plan to end my own life. I know the what's and where's, just still working on the when part of it. I have tried to do this before, once when I was 16. Obviously, I was not successful. Even though I really, really don't want it- I probably need some help at this time. I don't really feel depressed- I don't know what I feel like anymore. Things are going reasonably well in life right now, I've just lost what interest I had in living. Now I'm sure a lot of you are thinking the best thing to do would be to talk to a couselor, get on medication, go to a hospital, call a hotline, something- but here's two problems with that: 1. Everything I listed has already been tried on several different occassions. I've seen probably around ten or so different counselors, and about half as many doctors. I've been drugged up on so much different shit, it's not even funny. I've gone to the hospital four times now. I've called suicide hotlines/information lines quite a number of times. One thing that all of these have in common- the fact that they did not help. In some cases, like the medication or the hotline, they, in fact, made things much worse. 2. IF I went to get help. Say I tell myself things have gone too far and I go to someone and tell them I have a plan to kill myself- what will they do? More than likely, I'll go back to the hospital. IF THIS HAPPENS: I'd lose my job, I'd have to quit school (which I'm paying out the ass for), no one would be able to pay for it (I'm not medically insured), and worst of all I'd be out of a home because the family I live with already told me that they would not have things like this going on in their house. I honestly probably do need to be in a hospital right now, not because I want to, but just because it's the safest thing... FOR THE MOMENT. Sure it would put me in a safe place for the time being, but just how safe will I be when I get out? With no home? With no job? So, basically, this thread is a "I don't know what to do" thread. Because it's true. I don't. I'm fucked either way I go. Sure, I could just choose not to go the hospital and continue what I'm doing, but eventually I'll probably kill myself.