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Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Cortez, Oct 30, 2009.

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  1. Cortez

    Cortez Banned Member

    I haven't posted a thread on here in a long while, but I am feeling so down and desperate that this is the only place I think would be appropriate to vent. I've reached half way through this semester and I can't believe I've made it this far, (as I'm known to quit a lot of things). I haven't made 1 friend so far. I talk to people all the time in college, but my social anxiety prevents me from taking it any further like asking them to hang out after school or their number. I feel so lonely everyday that it hurts. I feel so bad today I could die. Today I wish I was unable to feel any emotions because I am too sensitive. I saw my therapist today and I felt worse after seeing him, If therapy doesn't work than what the hell will I do? He basically said that all the feelings I have are a choice including depression, social anxiety, and general anxiety, so then that makes me feel as if I am choosing to feel all these feelings and that its my fault I go through these hard times, so what am I suppose to do? kill myself? because I don't feel like I am choosing these feelings. I was so mad at my therapist today, but I was also scared that he was right.

    I am too sensitive for this world, what am I suppose to do? I have social anxiety so I can't use my sensitivity to my advantage. I wish I could help all the people that are hurting in the world and help people who are feeling the same way I do, but I just can't make connections with people easily.

    I have been feeling so bad today and hopeless that I turned to alcohol. I haven't drank in a while, but I have no one to turn to at the moment, so I bought several beers and drank (sorry). I have to admit I do feel better, less anxious. Music does sound better when drunk lol.

    I am so scared of the future I wonder if I'll survive the rest of the semester. I am not "equipped" for this world I feel so lonely and isolated :(

    BTW Happy Halloween everyone
  2. aki

    aki Well-Known Member

    Sometimes it takes a while to make friends. You're a nice, likeable person and I know you'll meet someone one day. You're doing well just to try and talk to people.

    Your therapist sounds like an insensitive idiot. What a thing to say to someone, that all your feelings are a choice. I don't believe it anyway, why on eath would you choose that. You can't help it, it's just the way your brain is wired or whatever. Sometimes depression is a coping mechanism as well, and anxiety is just a reaction to stress.

    You are very sensitive and it's wonderful. You're right in that it can be used to help people and the world, it's a different way of seeing the world and although it's difficult to live with sometimes, it's a gift. You can work on your social anxiety. Medication may help, and maybe seeing a different therapist one day. My social anxiety has got better over the years so it can be done.

    Don't feel bad that you drank, like you said, it makes you feel better. Just don't drink too much, please, it will just make things worse.

    You are 'equipped' for the world, you're a beautiful, intelligent and caring person who has so much to give. I'm going to quote your card, 'This world is big and beautiful waiting for people like us to discover it, so we should hang on with hope.' I read that a lot when I'm feeling down and it always makes me feel better. It's true. Please just ride out these hard times and the effort will so be worth it.

    I will always be there to support you. You are not alone in this world, many people care and will try and help you. I'm really worried but I want you to know I'm here and I love you.

  3. remembernothing

    remembernothing Account Closed

    I can really understand your problems with social anxiety. The loneliness and isolation can feel unbearable.
    Just remember how well you are doing to talk to people and to still be in college!
  4. Cortez

    Cortez Banned Member

    Thank you so much, you don't know how much that meant to me, love you :hug:
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