6 days ago and counting...

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by gradoftude, Jun 7, 2010.

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  1. gradoftude

    gradoftude Member

    6 days ago I decided to call it game over and had my last meal. It consisted of <mod edit-gentlelady-methods>. I had been going through really difficult times with my mothers death and went to a "normal" doc to get a prescription to try and control my spinning thoughts. I thought I was doing just fine with my mom's death and that It was lots of other issues I was having a tough time with. I was given Seroquel and prozac. After 3 days on the medication, I was so screwed up that I thought everyone wanted me gone. In hindsight, I realize it may have been the meds sending me the opposite direction that what they were intended for. Anyone else have this happen? Am I thinking clearly about?

    Anyways, Tuesday morning, my wife left for work and within an hour or two I was laying out plans on how to leave my final messages, typing a farewell letter, making my wifes "delayed" coffee for the next mornining and deciding what to wear for the last time. I reached a point in the planning that I felt I could no longer turn back and went ahead and <mod edit-gentlelady-methods>.

    When my wife came home, she slowly started putting the reality of the situation together and called 911. I was admitted to the ICU for 4 days and into a Psychiatric ward for another 24 hour obersvation. It was determined that I was balanced enough to return home and look into an out patient therapy program. I currently am on a more mellow medication and am in the process of finding additional support.

    I cannot tell you how much graditute plays into the healing process. I have a lot of repair to do on my marriage, family relationship and coming to grips with what I chose to do. However, If one is willing to step up to the plate, swallow their pride and accept help, So many people are out there to lend a helping hand. Not that it is easy. However, Nothing is easy and I know that in my distorted view of the world, It was not easy to decide to do what I did do. The difference is is that This work heals me and those around me. The decision to take my life only ended mine and tore apart those that were closest to me.

    Reach out, Get help, Don't fear to go where you have been reluctent to go before. Understand that Suicide can be a part of ones life but it is the final chapter and a sad one at that. Opening up communication with those that want to help is the healthy kind of "going where it seems scary but that darkness quickly turns to light and the demons turn out to be angels!

    Life is worth living. If you are having suicidal thoughts, you have only been surviving life. Get healthy help and you will start to understand what thriving life can be like! You will start to desire Life.

    Life will find away.

    Love, hugs, thoughts and prayers for all of you!!!

    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 7, 2010
  2. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I am glad that your wife arrived in time to intervene and that you now have a new perspective on things. We get so caught up in our own pain sometimes that we fail to see that others are affected as well. If we allow them to do what they can to actively support us, maybe we wouldn't reach this level of desparation. Thank you for sharing your experience with us. It is good to know that things do change for some people. It is not always hopeless. :hug:
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    It is good to know that there is help out there that people do care I have come to the point of wanting to leave somany times but i cannot being on the other side of a suicide has got me to see there is only devastation left behind
    I am glad you got the help and support you need to heal.
  4. gradoftude

    gradoftude Member

    I can't tell you all how important it is that if you are having problems and are feeling like there is no way out other than to leave, you need to reach out and get help. So so so many resources are available if you surrender to others and let them help you. Have graditude and the is almost no limit. The thankfulness needs to be sincere and heartfelt though. If it is not, it will only damage you and wear others out. Help will point you in the direction but you must walk the journey. Don't feel you need to run. Just walk!

    8 days now and I have never felt so alive and yearning to live each day to its fullest. Unfortunately my wife is feeling almost the exact opposite as I am. I hope the damage it has done to her and our marriage can somehow be repaired. Its as if the energy that I have now was STOLEN from her and even though it may seem that I am truly feeling for the first time in a long time if not the first time in my life, I don't really deserve it because I took it from her and others in my life. I now need to have the patience that she had for me over the years so she can work on herself and get healthy.

    Don't follow my actions! Find a way that will heal yourself as well as those around you. attempted Suicide only takes from from others. Suicide takes from all including you. You are not doing anyone a favor by ending it in any way.

    Sending you all love, hugs, thoughts and prayers that your nights may be restful and your days fulfilling!

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