this is how many meds I have. i just went through and counted each type. these were someone elses this is my safety blanket. the magic number, i suppose. i dont know why i had to count them, i just did. so, now i know. funny that i put them all back into each specific container, dont know why i did that, stupid. i suppose i know which ones id start with, maybe thats why. im sad. im tired. tired of faking it. tired of feeling like im putting others out, like im an imposition. tired of feeling so bloody selfish. hating being needy. hating feeling so alone. disgusted with myself. frustrated. a day like today wasn't bad, so how can i go fro being like that to this in a few hours? shouldn't i be taken away, put away. cant i do that for myself?