Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by cookiemonster, Mar 22, 2010.

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  1. cookiemonster

    cookiemonster Banned Member

    i have caused way too much trouble now. i shouldn't have said the things i said or done the things i did but its done now. i have hurt people i care about and i would go far enough as to say people i love. i have made people want to hurt themselves and even at times want to kill themselves. if this is how i help, maybe i shoudl just quit while i'm ahead. just burn out slowly rather than having to be banned cos i've cause some shit i shouldn't have. last ight is testiment to this and i really regret coming on here but it did give me chance to talk to three people i really care about. i think i may stick it out til i get credit and am able to talk to these people again. i'm gonna have problems if i don't. i really miss tlaking to them and its really hard thinking about the horrible things i am doing.

    But i guess it doesn't matter anymore, does it?

    thanks for the rant!
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Unless you have a gun to someone's head, you cannot make ppl do things...they did things on their own free will, for which you have no control...it is ingracious if someone left you with the impression that their behavior was your fault...this is just not true...sorry you feel so down on yourself...find one thing to forgive yourself for so that you can begin to move on...big hugs, J
  3. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    emily i don't want to believe anything like that is your fault

    you sound like me when my parents got divorced - beat myself up for years - i can't remember how long it took before i finally understood that it wasn't my fault, that i didn't drive my parents apart

    all you can do is care enough to try and help and that makes it hurt if it doesn't end well - it's not that you didn't help enough, or care enough

    look, last month nobody put the bottle of pills in my hand but me

    and even though people here were begging me not to, i still took them

    the choice, the failure was mine not anyone else's
  4. cookiemonster

    cookiemonster Banned Member

    i am the cause of a huge argument and i can't be here so much for anyone atm cos i make people feel worse. i woke up in a fantastic mood this morning and now i feel crap :mad: it all started off so good and then i remembered last night :(
  5. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Cookie...as they say, "this too shall pass"...be yourself and talk to the parties involved telling them how you feel...forgiveness is truly the only way to live with yourself and others...and I should know as I screw up daily...just a part of being human...big hugs, J
  6. cookiemonster

    cookiemonster Banned Member

    thank you so much but if i confront one of them, i will be made to regret it. there are several different things that kicked off at once and i got overwhelmed
  7. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    if you can't talk to these people right now i could help mediate

    actually i'm being selfish - i have a feeling that today is going to be a nightmare and i'm going to need all the friends i can get

    also i found a website that sells tongue guards - who else could i share that with?

  8. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Ask for forgiveness for your part in it, forgive yourself, and move on...big hugs, J
  9. cookiemonster

    cookiemonster Banned Member

    ok thank you j

    are those tongue guards for the purpose we came up with or some other reason? :p

    i'm sticking around for a while cos i can't talk to maddy any other way right now :(
  10. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    everything will sort itself out

    oh...those tongue guards are for preventing the tongue from sticking out between the teeth - some kind of dental appliance

    hmmm...maybe there's a market - we could get rich
  11. cookiemonster

    cookiemonster Banned Member

    hmmm.... yeah we could *hides all the secret plans so passers-by don't see* we'll do good.

    my actions seem to be directly detrimental to those i care about, something i may ahve to explain in pm if you wish, but its a long chain of things that are causing arguments and upset
  12. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    tell me whatever you want to hon if you think it will help

  13. cookiemonster

    cookiemonster Banned Member

    thanks. it might help to get it off my chest
  14. cownes

    cownes Well-Known Member

    :hug: love u hun x x stay safe x
  15. cookiemonster

    cookiemonster Banned Member

    love you too maddy :hug:
  16. summerschild

    summerschild Well-Known Member

    Take care of yourself dear. You deserve it. You are loved here. ((hug))
  17. cookiemonster

    cookiemonster Banned Member

    :( thank you though i will never believe it
  18. ASolitaryBlue

    ASolitaryBlue Well-Known Member

    i have an immense amount of trouble believing people when they say the care, or they love me, or anything like that. i can never just believe them, in fact, there is no one i can believe today that says it.

    but emily, everyone here must value their connection with you because they keep posting, they keep offering their help, and they want you to feel better. listen to them, listen to me, and try to believe. just try. we care and we love you :hug:
  19. cookiemonster

    cookiemonster Banned Member

    :hug: ty. i will try but i can't promise anything
  20. summerschild

    summerschild Well-Known Member

    We do care about you. If there is anything I can do to help you please please let me know. (((hug)))
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