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I'm starting to scare myself. I feel.....nothing. I know I should be feeling about 100 emotions but its just....emptiness. I cant decide whats worse. Everything has gone down hill so quickly. I almost want to cry or scream. To feel mad or upset or hopeless. And its like everything had just shut down. Like it cant take it anymore. Nothing is worth it anymore. Ive quit caring. So whats the point?


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Hmmmm you want my emotions? They are free hell I will give you money to take them... and I can take your nothingness....

As for what is the point? Well I do not know... I was recently watching an anime Koniji no Gash Bell. And in one episode one of the pseudo-main characters was having a flash back to her youth. And during her youth she was forced to endure hardship becoming educated and what not.... well she failed miserably... keep in mind she was only like 7 or 8 at the time. So she decided to kill herself. But someone saved her, and this someone said "If you die now what will happen to your future happiness".....

I don't believe it personally.... personally I am trying to weigh which is better going through life in a numb blur or dying very soon. But if you are looking for a point only you can find it... not me not anyone here.... only you. I think the best way to find a point is to find something to do... anything..... well almost anything.... try to stay away from self-abuse.... and by self-abuse I mean abuse you inflict on yourself whether it be substance or physical... ANYWAY disclaimer aside.... I look at the miserable pathetic existence of my dad... he is older than 50 he is a minor alcoholic and he is still trying to brainwash me into thinking like him. In reality I know the only thing keeping him going is to have more sex than anyone else. And by more sex I mean with different partners. That is all that keeps him going honestly... well that and riding off of my accomplishments in life... the few the proud....

So if you want to find a point find something to do and then try to do it the best that you can..... Though I do not practice this myself and I AM NOT PREACHING it... I am just giving advice as it comes to my head.... just remember you need to decide.
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