I got drunk the other night.. really drunk... and ended up going into a pretty dark place by the end of the night, made a fool of myself, luckily in front of strangers... trashed my room and if it hadn't been for a friend coming over randomly at like 4am (he'd been out drinking too and was upset about his ex) I was close to doing something stupid, even had a kitchen knife up in my room... I'm going out drinking again tonight... I know I shouldn't, I know I should stay in do some work, but I want to go out... when I'm drunk it's like my mind is quiet, someone else is in control and he can chat up girls and make friends, have a good time... exams are coming soon and people will stop going out so much so I won't be drinking so much over the next month... so I guess it's ok... It's funny how with the right tone of voice you can confess to so much and get it taken as a joke... blegh i dunno what i'm even doing typing here.. i'll shut up...
thnak you tjhank you... sorry i shud stop doing this, just stop being so stuid..... thank you both for posting i shud just stop thist....
so i tell those i care about... they care and i try and just fuck it all up, i run ifront of traffic, dice with death, try and just scew it up, play with life, like its a fuckgni gmer!!! why... they care, why do i risk my life so much when know they care? i shud just end it whne nobody is looking, why a, i such a fucking bastard that i have to try and fuck with this when peopler really care if i live or die?....
Xan, drinking is never the answer, are you seeing a doctor? Here if you need someone to talk to :hug:
