Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by absolution, May 10, 2010.

  1. absolution

    absolution Forum Buddy

    Feels like everyday is a battle for me....a battle to stay alive... and i feel like i am bringing down the people i love most :(

    I dont want to do this...so i guess i feel like i should just end it all now....

    It just hurts so bad :cry: every day i have flashbacks...and every day i fight the urge to kill myslef....whats the point of a fight that will never end unless i end it??? :blub:
  2. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    I wish I knew what to say Sam.
    I feel the same way, what's the point of a fight that will never end? Fighting for ever just seems so futile.
    The only thing I can say is, at any point during the fight so far have things gotten better? Because if they have (even just a tiny bit) then it's worth carrying on fighting, and doing whatever you can.
    I've had moments, tiny tiny ones, where I thought I saw a light at the end of the tunnel.
    Right now that is all that is keeping me going. But I feel like if I don't get another one of those moments soon, I'll fall too far down the tunnel to ever get close to that light again. :(
  3. absolution

    absolution Forum Buddy

    :hug: Things just seem to get worse :cry: i really want to go for a "walk"

    I cant seem to shake the feeling of wanting to die...its become like a need almost....feels like everyone would be better off without me anyways :cry:
  4. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    I can completely understand the feeling of wanting to die, it's all I think about as well, and everytime I think about it too indepth and feel like 'okay maybe I am going to go through with it, yeah this is definitely it, this is my time', I completely exhale and everything feels calm and peaceful.
    That feeling just makes me think about it all the more because there's nothing else in the world that makes me feel that tranquil.

    I notice a lot of people on here say that "everyone would be better off without me".
    Why exactly do you say that though?
  5. absolution

    absolution Forum Buddy

    :cry: i just feel like i bring everyone pain and stress or at least add on to it

    sorry hun :cry:
  6. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    It's okay, don't apologise. :hug: :hug:

    I doubt you are doing this, your low self esteem is probably just making you feel like you are. I'm sure everybody around you loves you and cares about you and only wants to see you get better.
    Do you see a counsellor/therapist/have group therapy or anything like that?
  7. absolution

    absolution Forum Buddy

    :hug: :hug: :blub:

    I go to see her tomorrow :( time to tell her everything....i just dont know if i will make it through tonight to even see her tomorrow :blub:
  8. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    Just be strong and keep talking on here, answer lots of threads, write a few, go in chat, go on msn, watch a movie. Whatever you can do hun. Definitely tell her everything tomorrow and if you feel yourself clamming up - write it down. Be strong and I am here for you if you need anything okay?
  9. absolution

    absolution Forum Buddy

    thanks hun :hug:

    Ill try :cry:

    and same here if you need anything
  10. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    i agree with linds sam

    just keep talking especially here since my stamina sucks

    i'll be with you as long as i can - but once i conk out please come back to the forum


  11. absolution

    absolution Forum Buddy

    will do hun :hug: :cheekkiss:
  12. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    it is your depression making you think people would be better without you. The will not be they will be worse they will suffer greatly like you are now. I hope your therapist continues to help you so you do see that light it is there it is just covered now but it is there waiting for you to reach it. take care okay i hope each day your suffering isless.
  13. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I agree about telling your therapist everything Sam.....I told mine and it felt so much better to have someone know exactly what I was feeling...
    I don't want you to hurt yourself....I would miss you....:hugtackles::wub:
  14. absolution

    absolution Forum Buddy

    :hug: ty
  15. mulberrypie

    mulberrypie Well-Known Member

    sam :hug: you're a total sweetheart and i'm so glad youre here!! i know its hard, but youre doing great and every day is a opportunity for things to get better. xx <3
  16. absolution

    absolution Forum Buddy

    :hug: im so sorry Jen for freaking you out xxx