Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by SuzayLogan, Jul 25, 2010.

  1. SuzayLogan

    SuzayLogan Member

    I've just joined this site and I hope to find it helpful, I've read a few posts and saw all replies from members are nice and generous. I'm here to talk about my brother.

    He died about 8 months ago, December 09. Which actually feels like a few days ago.. But yeah. After attempting suicide twice I thought he wouldn't try it again after reading on a site usually after the two times it doesn't happen again, guess I was wrong. The first time he took 100+ pills, the second time by hanging himself in the backgarden where my mum luckily found him.

    He was the kinda guy who always showed he was happy, joked about and stuff so you wouldn't know when he was depressed or what. He'd moved into a new house with his fiancee but things went downwards with them and they where breaking up, arguing, etc. She moved to England to stay with her mum so he was in his house.. alone. He hated cleaning, even when he stayed with us he hated it, he hated housework or anything so I knew he'd be pissed about having to do that, alone. It also came to mind that he'd have money troubles because of living alone although he had a good job for his age.

    Well.. one night I was on MSN as was he and I remember that day we'd been arguing about his new girlfriend. The last text I had from him was "Talk to me when you grow up" which saddens me sososo much.. we where on MSN & he started talking to me randomly, being nice although we where arguing before. We took the p*ss out of someone for a laugh for a while then we'd stopped talking on MSN. His ex girlfriend popped upto me on MSN telling me to wake my parents up and I'd asked why, she told me David said to her "Goodbye" and she said "Don't block me" after arguing on MSN that night and he said "I'm not :/ goodbye" after that he stopped replying to her. When she told me to wake my parents up I asked his friend Lauren on MSN if David was being weird with her too and she said yeah he said to her "Goodnight" and she said "Are you going to bed?" he replied with "Kinda, I love you Lauren." he also said "I guess its March 08 again" (his last attempt of hanging) which she didn't know, so when she told me he said all that I obviously freaked. I woke my parents up and told them, them being half awake and half sleeping they didn't shock as much as me. But slowly after my mum phoned the police & ambulance, she sat on the couch and it all got realistic. She was shaking & stuff. I went back onto MSN to speak to my brothers friends and his ex, I tried pm'ing him loooads of times but no reply.

    Around half 2 in the morning or maybe 3am there was a chap at the door. I was in my room on MSN and my parents answered the door. They went into the living room and all I heard in the next few minutes was my mum bursting into tears. I kinda already knew he was dead, I don't know why I didn't think he was like in hospital again, I just knew. My dad came into my room and took one look at me and I burst out crying. The first thing I did was type to his friend Sean who was on MSN, "He's dead." Now, he was on webcam to me trying to cheer me up about David when I was scared of what was happening and his face was.. nothing I can explain.

    I walked into the living room and asked "How did he do it?" or maybe I asked "Did he hang himself?" I dunno, I don't really remember. But yeah that was what happened. My mum walked about the house going "No Tam (my dad), this isn't happening, come on we're going to his house to see if he's okay, give him a phone." Although you think nothing could've gotten any worse that night, my mum did make it worse with her reaction. It made me realizing it come alot quicker than I'd have liked. I don't remember what happened after the next few hours, it's all a blur wether I slept or wether I stayed on the PC to talk to people.

    That's the story of my brothers death. I'm dealing with it well though, not like I could imagine. I hardly cry anymore and I don't know why. But I miss him a HELL of a lot. He was my brother. I've got his name tattood on my waist and I'll be getting another one in respect of him.

    Thanks for reading, Suzay x
  2. Domo

    Domo Well-Known Member

    Thanks for sharing your story. I am happy to hear you are coping well, but remember if you do need extra support, grief therapy could be beneficial for you.

    I love that you got tattoos as well :)
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I am sorry you too lost your brother to suicide i did too you are not crying because perhaps the pain is not real yet in time we all grieve differently i did not cry for a long time now i do I hope that you and your family have some sort of grief support i know the pain and guilt never truly leaves Remember the good thought too okay keep them close toyou take care of you
  4. SuzayLogan

    SuzayLogan Member

    Thank-you Domo :smile: I know to see someone if I'm grieving, my brother nor my family would want me to suffer alone.

    Violet, I'm sorry for your loss. I cry only sometimes when I'm usually alone and get deep into thoughts or else if I'm drinking which I hardly do anymore. I will be keeping my family close, make sure you do the same :smile:
  5. Viro

    Viro Well-Known Member

    Unfortunately, there's no limit to the amount of times we can attempt suicide.