Its been 7 months since the last time i cut. I actually felt like everything was okay and i really didn't need to do that anymore. I really realized how dumb it was and pointless because the cuts dont heal anything. But this week has been hell. Every night i feel the stress of the day come crashing down on me and i get extremely irritable so that everytime someone talked to me i would lash out and yell. And then would break down in fits of crying and guilt from the way im acting and hate for myself. The next day i was usually able to hide those feelings and try to start fresh the next day. However, I actually went through two days so far of just walk in a mechanical haze. People talking to me just made me want to break down. I avoid people and tried to just focus on school. But then that night its like the weeks of this stress and crying and shit just got to me. Its like all at once i realized how i've been acting and how much stress i have been putting on myself for so long and i got this extreme hate for myself. i talked to someone about it but as usual they said im just stressing and need to relax. I dont know what more i was expecting. So instead i went to my room, turned on some peaceful symphony music and laid in bed regulating my breathing to keep calm and scratched 2 lines into my arm with a thumb tack. The music and breathing help me calm and to me the blood is like the stress trickling away. I had never slept better. The next day was just terrible though. I slipped back into guilt from what i had done and i have to hide it from my best friend. He is going through a tough time and i, being his support cant be weak. I just need to let this all out. So there.