7 months on :)

memyselfand1

University Student
#1
Hi All
it's been now 7 months since I have left all the groups in my local area and I am finally a stage where I am putting it behind me as I was told by someone a while back that you surround with positive that actually make feel good and although the people at the groups didn't lead me on to anything awful, but I felt it was worse place for me to be in, because thinking about it now I wonder if anxiety was the problem at all. I do have genuine fears but not about meeting the same group of people. I also had a lot of issues in the past where I have trusted these people and we were good friends but they've always messed me around and I am sick of it.

I am now at the stage where I'm like, I wish I had left years ago when Mind had closed completely, I have regrets that I didn't bunk off the groups sooner and not put myself through the agonizing feelings of whether they are gonna turn up or am I gonna have the boring woman to talk to, the woman with the rather painstakingly boring monotone voice, she is someone that no one on god's earth would spend 2 minutes with let alone an hour. Hell! Give me twenty excel documents to type, let me watch 15 hours back to back of homes under the hammer, bargain hunt and flog every day, send me to the isolation room for a year, anything but do not let me spend not even second of life with her and her chats about weather. I need a whiskey or two and lay in a dark room for a week when she talks. She has a naturally monotone voice. No depression or illness required.

She is naturally the most boring person in the world! There have been times when my voice was very flatlined but that was because I was high dose antipsychotics that numbed my emotions completely, which I didn't want. Hell, I would rather have BPD episodes every day then have that voice and did have another period of it after the incident.

I am now stronger and stronger :)

'i bunked the group and liked it was so shit and unbelievable
a group bites the dust and another one bites the dust
uptown bunk the group uptown bunk the group

Just say, I haven't had any depressive feelings about leaving and I haven't had negative feelings ut about having limited friends like only seeing Graham or having just internet contact during the week with people online. I haven't like gone and thought "I'm so low because of it, I haven't dwelled and ruminated "if only I had friends"
like last night, I was out with my family and didn't feel jealousy towards their friends vs mine.
I also accepted that at the moment, I am not able to work due to fibromyalgia!

The issues surrounding the fibromyalgia have been more about how it's affecting at the moment at a given time, like for example yesterdays flare-up while I was getting ready or the flare up had whilst I used my laptop, I haven't thought about what my life is gonna be like in years to come or to do with getting a job.
i don't think "I feel unproductive x y z, " because I accept my limitations. I cannot plan my day with the condition let alone, a week a month,
 

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